Full Circle
by AUserHasNoName
Summary: Edward had always been there for Bella - until he wasn't. Jacob was there to pick up the pieces, but when tragedy strikes and Bella's life is turned upside down a second time, can Edward be the one to help put her back together again? As the story unravels in past and present, Bella and Edward will come full circle. AH, BxE.
1. Beginnings

**Full Circle**

 **Like all stories, theirs starts at the beginning; unlike most stories, theirs also starts in the middle. Fate is a cruel mistress, and nothing turned out like they'd planned. As their story unravels in past and present, we'll find out what turns they took along the road. Can Bella & Edward really come full circle, or will Fate have more tricks up her sleeve? **

**AU Human. Warning: Contains major character death. This is Bella & Edward's story, and contrary to what it may seem, AUserHasNoName **_**does**_ **believe in happily ever after.**

 **Disclaimer:** All recognizable Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **A/N:** So I'm coming back to this story that I originally started _years_ ago. I only got about halfway through back then. I'll be editing the old chapters as I go along, and then hope to pick up where I left off and finish things off with a bow. This is an AU Human, B/E story.

I created a playlist for this song back in the day, and I still have the track names in my notes for each chapter. No judgement, guys - again, this was _years_ ago. You'll see what I mean. I might modernize some of the tracks, but I'll also leave some of them. I'm sure you'll know them when you see them.

This chapter's **Listen To** is _As Lovers Go_ by Dashboard Confessional and _But I Do Love You_ by LeAnn Rimes. (Told ya!)

 **Chapter 1 - Beginnings**

Edward Cullen

October 16, 2002

It was just another Wednesday when Edward Cullen woke up and got himself ready for what he thought would be an extremely ordinary day. By the time he got home from school, he already knew that he would look back on the day as the Wednesday that had changed his life.

As he walked through the halls toward his locker, his eyes darted between clusters of students whispering and murmuring amongst themselves. Having a sister who was never anything less than intimately involved in all the latest gossip, he of course got the full low-down before he could even step foot into his second period history class.

Name: Isabella Swan. Daughter of Charlie Swan, Forks' very own notoriously reticent Chief of Police. She'd apparently relocated from Phoenix after her mother remarried, and was the most exciting thing that had happened to Forks High School since his own family had moved to town. Never one to dabble much in the trivial pursuits of his classmates, he nevertheless couldn't avoid picking up bits and pieces of the conversations around him, all revolving around their newest addition.

By the time the lunch period rolled around, he was pretty sure he knew everything he could have cared to know, and more, about Isabella Swan. Including the fact that she was the new love interest of at least three of his peers. He found all of this utterly uninteresting, and was prepared to continue living his life exactly as he had the day before.

But then he ran into said Bella Swan. Literally.

His papers spilled out of his notebook and cascaded to the cafeteria floor. She started apologizing without even looking up, immediately kneeling to gather up his lost papers, not bothering with the fact that her shirt was now covered in marinara sauce from the tray she'd carried. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," she was gushing.

He knelt down beside her to retrieve his Trig notes, mumbling some banal pleasantries and telling her not to worry about it. She finally turned to look at him while extending a stack of now crumpled papers, but he'd already forgotten about the notes. His heart stumbled in his chest, which is something that it normally didn't do. He wasn't a heart-stumbling kind of guy, but at that moment, he realized why this girl had captured the attention of every male student within a 5-block radius.

He blinked out of his stupor and offered her a genuine smile, as well as a hand to help her up. She didn't look away from his eyes while she placed her hand in his, and a flush spread across her cheeks while he pulled her to her feet.

"I figured we'd run into each other eventually. I just didn't know it would be so literal."

She stared at him with wide eyes. "Again, I'm so sorry about that."

"Don't be." He waved her off. "Although _I'm_ sorry about your shirt."

She looked down at herself, seeming surprised, and grimaced. "Of course. I would be the girl to wear white on spaghetti day."

He gave her an amused smile, and held out his hand again. "I'm Edward, by the way. It's nice to meet you, Bella."

"How did you know my name?"

"You're new here, right? Everyone's talking about you. You're the most exciting thing that's happened to Forks in almost two years."

Her blush grew darker. "If that's true, I can't imagine that you people get much excitement at all around here."

"We find ways to make our own entertainment." He grinned at her, enjoying her reaction.

Before he had a chance to offer her a new lunch, he was interrupted by his sister's shriek, and they both turned to see Alice rushing toward them. "Edward, what did you do?" she demanded, taking in Bella's ruined shirt. She didn't wait for an answer before turning to address Bella. "You'll have to excuse my brother, he doesn't get out much, I hope he didn't scare you away."

Bella blinked in surprise, looking back and forth between the two of them. "Um, no, it was my fault, really," she stammered.

"I've been dying to meet you. Let's go get you a new shirt," Alice insisted, looping her arm through Bella's. "You're lucky I keep back-ups in the car. Come on."

Bella's eyes lingered on Edward for a moment longer, but he smiled. "Don't worry, Alice is harmless. You're in good hands."

He stayed rooted to his spot until he watched them take their leave of the cafeteria, his sister still prattling on while Bella looked over her shoulder at him one last time before they rounded the corner. Although he strongly suspected that he wore what could only be described as a dopey smile, he couldn't bring himself to care right then. He considered this turn of events as he made his way over to his usual table.

"Burn!" Emmett exclaimed in greeting as Edward set down his tray next to his brother. "Looks like our little sister killed your game big-time, man."

He gave Emmett a perfunctory glare before biting into his apple, chewing thoughtfully. This was certainly not something he'd planned on today, but he found himself calculating a plan to get himself in front of one Bella Swan again before the day was through. Another fortunate turn of events gave him the chance to put his plan into action during 5th period Biology.

* * *

Edward Cullen

May 17, 2004

Bella ran towards him across the lawn, weaving between the bodies of their classmates, and he grabbed her in a hug and swung her around before setting her back on her feet, laughing.

"Congratulations," he whispered into her hair, still holding her close.

He was rewarded with a radiant smile as she pulled away to look up at him. "And congratulations to you," she replied.

He leaned down to kiss her, but was interrupted by Alice, who came running up behind Bella. If he didn't love his sister so much, he'd kill her.

"Stop hogging my best friend!" she cried, pulling Bella out of his grasp. Bella just shrugged and gave him a rueful smile, then returned her friend's tight hug. "We have so much to do before the party!" Alice exclaimed.

At that, Bella took an apprehensive step back from both of them. "Guys, about this party. It's not going to be anything too outrageous, is it?"

"It's our graduation," he reminded her. "You can't expect too much of Alice's self-control."

Alice just grinned, not bothering to argue about that. "Don't worry, you're just going to _die_ when you see it."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Bella muttered.

Six hours later, Edward paced around his room impatiently. His sister had stolen Bella away hours ago, and he hadn't seen either of them since. He had passed the point of stir-crazy a couple hours back, and was bordering on outright anxiety. When he heard the front door open, he ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time, and spilled into what used to be the living room.

He and Emmett had arrived home after the graduation ceremony to find their parents sitting in the middle of a forest of boxes and equipment, holding a very specific, very detailed set of instructions from Alice. Then they'd spent the next four hours transforming the house into a nightclub.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Edward came to a screeching halt. Bella stood before him, smiling shyly and looking up at him through her lashes. Had her eyelashes always been that long? Surely some of Alice's handiwork. Although he would've preferred to have his girlfriend to himself, he had to admit that whatever she and his sister had been doing for the past several hours, it did a body _good_. Bella was always beautiful, but tonight, with her long brown hair cascading in waves across her shoulders, she looked out-of-this-world. Certainly out of his league, at the very least.

He reached for Bella's hand to draw her closer, allowing himself a self-indulgent moment to drink in her appearance, letting his gaze slowly travel down her body before crawling back up to meet her eyes. He leaned his head down to speak into Bella's ear. "You're gorgeous."

"You're welcome," Alice sang, giving them both a little wave from where she stood across the foyer.

He tore his eyes away from Bella to glare at his sister and grumble at her. "Took you long enough." He didn't want Alice to get any bright ideas about turning his girlfriend into a hostage on a more regular basis, but for Bella's sake, he also leaned down and lowered his voice, just for her. "Worth it."

Emmett chose that moment to come bounding down the stairs. He slipped past them on his way to the kitchen, though not without a low whistle. "Damn, Bella!"

In one fluid motion, Edward wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, nearly growling at his brother.

Of course, Emmett's only reaction was to laugh at him. "I was just saying!" he shouted over his shoulder with a wink.

Alice trailed after him, issuing a string of threats that would be enacted should he not change into the party clothes that she'd lain out for him. She turned off the overhead lights on her way, leaving them with only the low-lighting that he and Emmett had set up earlier.

"Okay, so tell me the truth," Bella started, crossing her arms self-consciously. "Is it too much? I mean, with the hair, and the make-up, and the dress?"

At the mention of her dress, Edward allowed his eyes to roam over her once more. He reached out to trail his fingers slowly down her arm, coming to grip her hand, and then brought it up over her head and twirled her in a circle for his appraisal. When she'd finished her turn, he pulled her in close, then swept her down in a kiss, continuing to support her weight with his arms when she opened her eyes as he pulled back.

After a few moments, he righted them. Breathless and blushing, Bella smiled. "That wasn't an answer."

"It was the best answer I could think of," he assured her. Although he could certainly give her a more impassioned demonstration, he had a feeling he should probably hold off on that until later in the evening.

His suspicions were confirmed by the sound of the doorbell signaling the arrival of their first guests, who would soon begin arriving in droves. Alice had invited the entire senior class of Forks High School and, knowing Forks, at least half of the junior class was likely to show up as well. It wasn't every day that they had an entertainment option that rivaled tailgating in the back parking lot of the local hardware store.

And the Cullen house was indeed in a class of its own that night. Alice had been in fine form when she'd planned the gathering, and at the pinnacle of the party, the house was pounding with music and the middle of the living room was just dark enough to lower inhibitions and get people dancing.

Emmett was in his element, surrounded by girls who had been pandering for his attention for the past three years. He wasn't known for having a very long attention span with the ladies, but none of them seemed to care as long as he would give them the time of day. Alice was flitting from group to group, making sure everyone was having a good time. She danced through the crowd fluidly without losing the beat, despite the fact that Edward couldn't seem to move without bumping into another body.

He kept his hands on Bella's hips to keep her close, doing his best to protect her from being too jostled by the horde. They'd been surrounded by bodies all night, yet had still managed to maintain their own little world.

"I still can't believe it's over," Bella lamented.

"You can't seriously be saying that you're going to miss Forks High?" he joked. He spoke against her ear to be heard.

Bella grinned up at him. "Come on, you know you're going to miss it, too. Even though we can't wait to blow this popsicle joint, I bet we won't make it a month before getting nostalgic."

"I'll take that bet," he said. "I'm sure we'll be too busy to be nostalgic."

"Speak for yourself, Mr. Pre-Med," she teased. "I'm sure _you_ will be too busy, that's true. Are you starting to reconsider your crazy plans yet?"

This wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation. "Still no," he assured.

She sighed. "I guess if your advisor can't convince you, then I won't be the one to sway the vote."

He gave her a smile and bent his head to kiss the corner of her mouth. She'd been so close all night, it was getting harder for him to keep his lips away from hers. "Trust me, you have more sway than you know."

"Yet I can't convince you that trying to complete your undergrad in three years is just a little bit crazy, and also completely unnecessary?"

"I've told you, it needs to be three years, because then there'll be med school, and then-"

"Internship, and then residency," she recited. "I know, I know, I've heard it all before. I'm just saying, think of all the fun you could have lollygagging around with me for the full four years."

He peered down at her, starting to wish that all these damn people would go away and leave them alone. He could think of all kinds of fun he could have with her, and most of it didn't need to wait all summer for them to leave for UW. All night, they'd been pressed together in conversation, and every time Bella spoke, she leaned in and used her hands on him to steady herself. The constant contact was becoming too much to ignore. He watched as her teasing grin faded while she took in the look in his eyes. She wet her lips then, and he decided that he'd had enough of the party.

"Want to get out of here?" he asked in her ear.

"I thought you'd never ask," she replied sweetly.

Wasting no time after he had her answer, he took her hand and guided her swiftly through the remaining crowd. It was 12:30am, but only a fraction of the partygoers had trickled out. They managed to make it to the staircase, and since the student body of Forks High was at least respectful and stayed on the ground level, they were home free. Edward steered Bella in front of him and urged her up the stairs, staying close on her heels. She sought his hand again while they made their way down the hall, throwing him a look over her shoulder.

When she reached his bedroom, it was her turn to pull him by the hand, and he was only too happy to follow. She reached out to swing the door closed behind him, and he took the opportunity to grab her by the waist and push her against it, holding her in place.

"I thought I'd never get you alone tonight," he mused, looking down into her eyes.

She sighed contentedly. "Well, you've gotten me now."

He finally brought his lips down on hers, claiming her mouth in a fierce, possessive kiss, a reflection of everything that had been building up inside him all day. Today was a day to be celebrated, and they were finally able to do it in their own way. There was nowhere he'd rather be. He would never get tired of being with her like this.

Bella's hands slid from his shoulders to his chest, then trailed their way down his stomach, coming to rest at his belt buckle. He growled impatiently in her ear, and she laughed softly. He tangled his fingers in her hair as he kissed her again, moving so his hips pinned her to the door. He took advantage of her gasp by sweeping his tongue into her mouth, taking his time in tasting her.

"God, you're amazing," he mumbled, dragging his lips down to her neck. She reached up between them to start unbuttoning his shirt, her fingers playing softly against each new sliver of skin she revealed.

He flexed his fingers against her hips, and nearly groaned when she arched into him. His hands slid down from her hips, down the outside of her thighs, and then back up and under her dress, lifting the fabric of the skirt as he went. He hummed appreciatively as his fingertips caressed the edges of her underwear.

Having finished the buttons on his shirt, Bella ran her hands across his torso, and his muscles jumped under her touch. She came back to his belt buckle, pulling at it until she could get to the button of his pants. She teased him by taking her time, smiling up at him demurely while she worked his zipper down. He shrugged out of his shirt and then pulled her away from the door. Unable to keep his mouth off of her, he kissed her again as he walked her backwards. When the back of his knees hit the bed, he sat down and raised his eyebrow.

"You still have way too many clothes on," he whispered huskily.

Bella smiled at him and held his gaze while she pushed the right strap of her dress off her shoulder, then the left. She wriggled out of the garment and let it fall to the floor. Edward could only gape at the beautiful girl standing in front of him in her underwear and heels.

"Come here." He crooked his finger at her, and she was only too happy to comply, kicking off her heels in the process. She settled onto his lap, straddling him, making him clench his teeth and moan in appreciation at the friction.

He fell back, and they soon settled into a familiar rhythm, losing themselves in each other. He brought her to the brink, and then followed her over. After they had caught their breath, Bella took up her usual spot, snuggled in against his side with her face against his chest. He felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a smile. "Happy graduation," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

He listened to the sound of her breathing as it steadied, but found himself fighting sleep. For the past two years, he'd been waiting for the day when he would wake up to find that this life was just a dream. No man had the right to be this lucky.

* * *

Bella Swan

September 3, 2017

Drifting somewhere between sleep and consciousness, Bella took a deep breath and inhaled her favorite familiar scent. Her mouth twitched into a smile as she became more alert, keeping her eyes closed. She reached out blindly to initiate a special wake-up call, but failed to find what she was looking for, her hand gripping nothing but a pile of sheets and blankets. She opened her eyes and sighed at the empty side of the bed.

Wait, a blanket? They'd been sleeping without a blanket for months. He must have gotten one out sometime in the middle of the night, or maybe just for her when he got up. She guessed that meant that their summer was officially coming to a close.

Slowly becoming more aware, she registered the sound of water running in the shower. She pushed the covers off and slid her feet to the ground, and the hardwood was indeed a bit chilly. She padded over to the bathroom and quietly pushed open the door.

Once the steam dissipated, she was able to make out the form on the other side of the glass. He was lathering his hair, and she watched the soapy suds make a trail over his collarbone, down his well-muscled chest, down his six-pack abs, and finally down to… aha! Her eyes met their goal. What's a little voyeurism between husband and wife?

She couldn't help but notice that he was ready for her, and suddenly found herself opening the shower door and stepping in, having already discarded her panties and tshirt along the way.

He wiped the water from his eyes and turned to her with a smile. "Well hello there. What are you doing up?"

"You're up," she countered, glancing down pointedly.

He laughed and started to say something else, but she interrupted him with a kiss. She had a one-track mind this morning, and wouldn't be deterred. She reached her hands up to entwine them in his hair while pressing her body against his, and he responded eagerly.

"Bella," he mumbled against my lips. "You're going to make me late for work."

She inhaled deeply and smiled as he planted kisses down her neck. "They can hold down the fort without you for awhile." She pulled firmly on his hair to guide his mouth further down to her chest, and that sealed the deal.

He pulled her closer, one of his hands at the small of her back and the other around her shoulders. He lay hard and hot against her stomach, and she elicited a moan by rubbing herself against him. He continued to tease her, nipping at her skin playfully, but she was growing impatient. She was ready.

Sensing her eagerness, he pushed her up against the wall of the shower. She shivered when her bare skin touched the cool marble tile, and he switched tactics. His large hands slid down to grip her and she took her cue, lifting her legs and locking them around his waist as he flipped them around so he was against the wall.

He moaned her name as she slid over him and she gasped, trying to catch her breath for a moment before finding a rhythm. She used his shoulders for leverage as she moved over him, looking down into his eyes.

Her blood was hot in her veins and she felt her body tightening in anticipation. She could tell he was close by the way his eyes darkened and his fingers dug into her hips as she increased their pace, trying to remain steady.

She cried out softly as she met her release, and he followed soon after, moaning her name. She smiled contentedly, leaning her face against his shoulder and inhaling the scent of him. "Mmm," she murmured. "Jacob."

Thirty minutes later, she handed her husband a cup of coffee as he walked into the kitchen. He was more put-together than he'd been when she left him, though still just wearing his usual work clothes of faded jeans and a t-shirt bearing the logo for his business. She couldn't help but admire the way the shirt hugged his biceps.

"And just what are you smiling at?" he asked, grinning as he took a seat across the counter and sipped his coffee.

She shrugged off his inquiry, not needing to stroke his ego any further this morning by sharing her thoughts. "What do you want for breakfast?" she asked instead.

"I'd better just take something to go. The guys are gonna have my head on a platter if I'm late again."

"I'll just tell them that it's my fault, because I assaulted you in the shower."

"Yes, please do!" he laughed.

She grabbed an apple from the basket on the counter and tossed it to him. "Nah, they wouldn't believe it anyway," she teased.

"Are we still on for lunch at the park today?"

"You bet," she replied. "I was also thinking, do you want to invite the gang over for dinner tonight? There's this new recipe I've been wanting to try."

"Damn, sorry, Bells." He grimaced and walked around the counter to wrap his arms around her. "I completely forgot to tell you, but I have to stay late at the garage tonight. Some big wig exec is bringing in his Aston Martin, and tonight was his only availability."

"No big deal," she shrugged. "We'll do it some other time. No rush."

"How about you invite just the girls over tonight, and then we can get everybody together tomorrow? I have the whole day off, so I can help you cook." He gave her his best charming grin.

"Yeah, right!" she scoffed. "You stay away from my kitchen, Jake, I mean it!"

He laughed. "Sure, sure. It's a plan, then? Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," she agreed. She stood on her tiptoes for a kiss before he left. "I love you."

"Love you, too. See you at lunch!"

After he left, she sat down in her home office to check email and her social media accounts and take care of some responses. That successfully killed a couple of hours, and then she called Alice and Rosalie to make plans for their girls' night in, and for dinner with the boys the following night. With that settled, she made the next calls on her to-do list, to her publisher and to Angela, her business partner.

It was a relatively slow time of the year for her catering business, so there wasn't a lot that needed her attention there. Things would really pick up again around the holidays, though being the co-owner, she wasn't even as involved in the day-to-day as she used to be when they were first starting out. The company had really taken off, and her staff could mostly handle themselves. Her cookbook had just been printed, and the call with her publisher was to put the finishing touches in place for the marketing campaign before it hit stores in a couple of months. Her editor had high hopes that already being an author of two novels would help them sell more cookbooks.

She left the house just before noon to drive the 10 minutes to the park that was right across the street from Jake's garage. The park featured a splash pad in the middle that was crowded with children screaming and playing during the summer months, but given the overcast sky and slight chill in the air, it was quieter today. There was always a nice selection of food trucks, though, and Bella met Jake near their favorite burger joint. The park also boasted plenty of benches scattered among the tall trees. The benches were spread far enough apart that it afforded them some privacy to enjoy their meal, yet also allowed them to people-watch while they chatted.

"We're on for tomorrow night's dinner," she told him. "And the girls are coming over to keep me company tonight."

"Sounds great," he grinned. "I'd hate to think of you alone in that great big house all by yourself."

She pulled her sweater cardigan more tightly across her torso, suddenly getting goosebumps, though it couldn't have been colder than 60 degrees. She huddled in closer to Jake and smiled up at him.

"So tell me," she started, changing topics. "How excited is Embry about the Aston Martin?"

He grinned. "He's actually pissed that he won't get to see it, and has been grumbling about that fact all day. He has to leave early today. Actually, he's leaving a little after 1, so I'd better be getting back."

"You have to work on the big wig's fancy car all by yourself?" she asked. "Today is Quil's day off, too, right?"

Jake nodded, but didn't look concerned. "I'd usually do the work myself anyway, with this kind of car. It's no big deal."

"Do you know what time you might be home?"

He shook his head. "The guy needs the car back first thing tomorrow, so however long it takes. I won't know for sure what's wrong with it until I get in there, but I'm hoping it shouldn't need longer than a few hours."

Jake tossed the trash from their lunch in the nearby garbage can, and Bella shivered again while she waited for him. The park was unusually quiet that day, she noted, casting her eyes around. There were only a handful of other people scattered around, mostly huddled on benches eating their lunches.

"Gotta run, Bells," Jake announced. He leaned down to kiss her swiftly.

"I might be asleep by the time you get home," she noted.

"Don't wait up on my account. I'll see you in the morning," he promised.

"See you later."

Bella stopped by the grocery store on her way home to pick up the essentials for her night with the girls. She also popped in the liquor store next door, and only after she was fully stocked with good food and good wine did she head home to get the house ready.

It had been awhile since she'd properly cleaned, and since she had the entire afternoon free, she figured she would tackle the project. When she'd finished the kitchen, she moved on to the dining room and then the living room. She had music blasting and was having a grand old time singing and dancing along, which is why she didn't hear Alice knock on the door. She also didn't hear her use her emergency key to let herself in, which is why she was so surprised to hear the other girl speak from directly behind her.

"Come on Bella, I know you can dance better than that."

Bella let out a shriek and turned to face her friend, finger ready on the trigger of her bottle of glass cleaner. When she saw who it was, she placed a hand over her heart, willing her pulse to settle down. "Damn, Alice! Give a girl some warning the next time you break into my house!"

"What were you going to do, spritz me to death?" Alice was sporting an armful of bags, and she walked over to set them on the dining room table while Bella turned down the volume on the speakers.

"Geez, what did you bring? I told you I was taking care of the food."

"Yes, but clearly you're going to need my help in other areas." She raised her eyebrows at Bella and pointedly looked her up and down, taking in her outfit of worn jeans and Jacob's old t-shirt.

"Oh, goody, a makeover," she remarked dryly, recognizing the look in her friend's eyes. "Fantastic."

She quickly finished cleaning, taking only a short break to dance around the freshly-vacuumed carpet with Alice. As soon as she was done cleaning, she was dragged into her bedroom.

"Why exactly do I have to get dressed up just to stay home and watch movies with you and Rose?" she demanded.

Alice sighed in exasperation and got to work. Apparently she wasn't going to justify the question with an answer.

By 6pm, Bella was gussied up and ready to hit the town, even though they were staying in. Alice had poked and prodded at her for an hour and the result was a sexier, less comfortable Bella. For this evening's festivities, which were to include eating, drinking, and watching romantic comedies, Alice had chosen a silky black top and tight dark-wash jeans complete with beautiful yet impractical strappy sandals.

When the doorbell rang at 7:15 sharp, she teetered on her heels to answer it. Her hug for Rosalie was partly because she hadn't seen her in a week and partly because she stumbled and needed to catch herself. "Hi Rose! How are Emmett and Emily Emmett?"

She laughed at Rose's quick roll of her eyes. It had been three years, and she still hadn't forgiven her husband for the naming of their daughter. Personally, Bella thought it was adorable, and took every opportunity to call her goddaughter by her full name.

"They're great. Emmett has the night off, so they're both at home."

Alice came running up behind them and began bouncing up and down, which she only did when she was excited. "We haven't had a girls-only night in forever! What are we having for dinner, Bella? What are we watching? Did you get the good wine?"

Bella laughed and followed Alice, having no real choice in the matter as she was being dragged by the arm. She'd always been confounded by her friend. Where did Alice store all of that energy in her tiny body?

She passed out plates of her new take on chicken picatta and started filling wine glasses. "Oh, no wine for me tonight," Rose said. "I'm still recovering from a night out with Emmett."

They got settled in the living room to watch _You've Got Mail_ , a classic that they'd each likely seen at least a dozen times before. When the end-credits rolled, Alice began making a list of comparisons between Jasper and Joe Fox.

"Jasper would never be able to keep a secret like that from me," she insisted. "I don't see how Meg Ryan didn't know it was him! I definitely would have known."

Bella laughed at her, though a piece of her thought that she was probably right. It was extremely difficult to keep a secret from Alice.

"Emmett wouldn't dare lie to me once he figured it out." She had to concede that Rose was probably right, too. Bella's phone began ringing, and she started to fish it out of her pocket while Rosalie continued. "Not that he would be able to hold my attention in online conversations. I only fell for him because he has a hot body. Although he does quote 'The Godfather' a lot…"

Shaking her head at the turn of conversation, Bella made her way into the kitchen to answer the phone. It was an unknown number, but she wondered if it could be her publisher. She made a valiant effort to curb her laughter before answering the phone. "Hello?"

She heard someone's breath hitch on an inhale, and then her friend's choked voice. "Bella."

The one word alone was enough to effectively wipe the smile from her face and make her blood run cold. Something was wrong. "Emmett? What is it?"

"Bella, I…" He stumbled, and cleared his throat. "You should come here."

"What?" Her heart was beating in her throat. "Emmett, what's wrong, is Emily okay? Where are you?"

"I'm at the hospital," he managed, and her heart sank into her stomach. "Bella, you need to come. It's Jacob."

She opened her mouth but all that came out was a rush of air, so she tried again. "What?" Her voice still sounded breathy. "What happened? Jacob's fine." Somehow she felt that saying he was okay would help make it true.

"No, Bells, he's not."

She listened to him tell her that Jacob had been found alone at work, by the police, after the neighbors had heard gunshots. Time seemed to slow down in those few moments. Or maybe it sped up. It was unclear.

"It's fine, Emmett," she said. "I'll be there soon, okay?" She ended the call and set her phone beside her on the counter. She felt dizzy, so gave herself a moment to rest there before she tried to move.

She walked out of the kitchen and back into the living room. Her friends turned to her with smiles, but then their faces changed. What did she look like, to put that look on their faces?

"Bella, what's wrong?" Alice was at her side before she could blink, and Rose wasn't far behind.

She swallowed hard, and her voice came out meek. "We need to go to the hospital."

* * *

?

?

He couldn't remember ever feeling this way before. He'd tried for months to get over it - to get over _her_ \- but he couldn't shake this feeling.

He found himself fabricating reasons to be around her. He took advantage of any excuse to be in her presence. He loved the way she blushes when she's nervous. Loved her perfect smile. Loved the sound of her voice. He loved the way she plays with her hair when she's bored. That she doesn't seem to know how beautiful she is.

He was completely, irrevocably in love with Bella. All he needed was a plan to make her his.


	2. Don't Fall Away - Sept 2017

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All recognizable Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer.

 **Listen To:** _Hemorrhage (In My Hands)_ by Fuel

 **Chapter 2 - Don't Fall Away**

Edward Cullen

September 3, 2017

"Hey Timothy, how's it going?"

"I'm doing good, Edward, thanks for asking." The old man grinned at him as he fetched his usual fare from the hospital cafeteria. "How about yourself?"

"I can't complain," he replied agreeably.

"Well you _could_ complain," Timothy argued. "Especially with the hours you've been working lately. Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to be at home right now?"

"I just couldn't stay away," I replied with a wry look.

"And how does Mrs. Dr. Cullen feel about you spending so much time here? Surely she's missing you."

Edward shot him a knowing look. "You know I'm not married, Timothy."

The old man took every available chance to try to talk Edward into 'finding himself a wife'. As if it were as easy as selecting a box of cereal from the grocery store.

"Right, right," Timothy nodded. "Just as well, I suppose. She'd try to keep you home all the time, and then where would we be?" He filled Edward a cup of coffee without his needing to ask.

"Does this mean you'll stop pestering me about meeting a nice girl?" he pressed.

"Sure, kid," he joked. "You'd just screw it up anyway."

"Isn't that the truth." Edward thanked him and paid for the ham and swiss. "See you later."

He sat down at an empty two-seater table next to the window to eat his sandwich. It wasn't bad as hospital food goes, but he couldn't help lamenting the loss of the lasagna he had planned to make tonight. It would have provided delicious leftovers for days.

His day off had been interrupted seven hours earlier by a polite request that he pick up an extra shift, since the ER would be short-staffed tonight. The exact words of the inquiring test message had been " _Cullen, we need you, get your ass down here 5 minutes ago_."

At least he had managed to finish his laundry, ensuring a clean set of scrubs for the evening. He'd even managed to clean up his apartment a bit. After Alice visited last week, she'd been shocked and appalled at the state of his living conditions. He could admit, he may have let his domestic duties - and everything else - slide in favor of work lately. There wasn't much else in his life at the moment that held his attention.

After his shift from hell tonight, he would be a free man for at least the next 24 hours, and had hoped to be able to do something more stimulating than laundry. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and hit the speed dial for Alice's house.

Jasper answered on the third ring. "Hey Edward."

"Hey man, how are you?"

"I'm good. Haven't heard from you in awhile, how've you been?"

Edward gave him a quick rundown of the past few weeks, which didn't take very long. Was he really that pathetic? When had he ended up as one of those sad people without a life outside of work. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Anyway," he concluded his dismal recap. "I was calling to see if you might want to grab a drink or something tomorrow night."

There was a pause on the other end of the line before Jasper's apologetic voice. "Sorry, man, I can't tomorrow."

He laughed. "Please tell me Alice isn't still making you watch Design Star."

"No, she gave that up, thankfully." He hesitated, piquing Edward's interest, and then he sighed. "We're actually having dinner at Bella and Jacob's house tomorrow night. She invited us, and Emmett and Rosalie."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Sorry."

Edward cleared his throat and played it off as cool. "No, don't be. No worries. I'll catch you next time."

"How about sometime next week?" Jasper offered quickly. "We'll go grab a drink, just me, you, and Emmett."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Edward replied, knowing that there was more than a fair chance that he'd be too busy with work the following week. "Hey listen, I've got to run. I'll talk to you later, okay? Tell Alice I said hi."

"Sure thing. See you, Edward."

He gulped down the last of his coffee before making his way back to the ER for his rounds. Five patients, three broken bones, and sixteen stitches later, he was listening to a high-school cheerleader insist that her ankle was broken.

"Well," he sighed. "It seems to be sprained. I'll have one of the nurses bring you an ice pack. You'll want to ice it when you get home, too, to reduce the swelling."

He was getting ready to stand and continue on his way when she placed a hand on his arm. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Are you sure, Doctor?" she asked sweetly. "Maybe you should have a closer look." She lifted her leg and actually batted her eyelashes.

He groaned inwardly, wanting nothing more than to move on to his next patients and then retreat to the doctors' lounge to wrap up his paperwork. He felt his pager vibrating and dug it out of his pocket to glance at the code. No such luck, apparently. "Just ice it and you'll be fine," he muttered to the girl. "Excuse me."

He moved briskly through the busy ER to the ambulance bay, shivering as he walked outside into the night and saw two nurses waiting. He could hear the ambulance approaching before he saw the flashing lights pull up to the curb.

"What have we got?" he asked.

Two EMTs helped pull the stretcher through the doors. "Twenty-nine-year-old male, unconscious at the scene," informed a tall man whom Edward recognized, but couldn't name. "Multiple GSWs to the chest and abdomen."

Edward turned to tell them to bring the patient to Trauma Room 2, but found that his speech capabilities had left him when he got a good look at the man on the gurney. His mouth worked soundlessly for a moment, and he had to try again.

"Trauma 2!" he called. He forced himself to pull it together. He told himself it was just another patient. No problem. He could do this.

But it wasn't just another patient. It was Jacob-fucking-Black.

The cops arrived shortly, and he recognized some of them from his brother's precinct. He heard his name being called, but was too busy trying to slow Jacob's bleeding to respond.

"I already called Emmett," the cop told him. "Bella's on her way."

Oh, Jesus. Bella was on her way. She couldn't see him like this.

 _Dear God… please let me save this one._

Thirty minutes later, it wasn't looking good. There was too much internal bleeding, and they couldn't get him stabilized. "Dammit, Jacob, come on!"

He hadn't realized that he'd said it out loud until the nurse standing next to him glanced at him warily. Then he caught sight of a familiar shade of brown hair in his peripheral vision, and he sharply turned to meet Bella's eyes. She shouldn't have to see this.

"Bella," he warned. She gasped, and he rushed to her side. Her eyes were glazed, and he was afraid she might faint. She never had been any good with blood. He lowered his voice. "You shouldn't be in here."

He guided her out of the room where Alice was standing on the other side of the door. Together, he and and his sister escorted Bella to the waiting room, and he deposited her into a chair. She still looked like she might pass out. "Alice…" he warned.

His sister understood. "Don't worry, we'll take care of her. You go."

He nodded. "I'll be back to let you know."

He was almost glad to be able to take his leave, to get away from that look on Bella's face, the agonized look in her eyes. When he got back to the trauma room, he was greeted by the sound of a flatline. "Shit!"

They had to shock him 3 times to get him back, and he was going to need surgery. Edward sent someone to let his sister know we were taking him up, wanting to stay with Jacob in case anything went south on the way to the OR.

His father met him as the doors of the elevator opened onto the surgical floor. "They called you?" he asked.

Carlisle nodded, his lips in a thin line. Edward realized with a shock that Carlisle was more connected to Jacob than he was. Ever since he'd seen Jacob being wheeled through the ER doors, he'd been thinking about Bella. For the first time that night, he stopped to think about the implications for his entire family. His family who loved Bella, spent time with Bella. Obviously they would have extended that love to Jacob, too.

He had a sudden flash of a stocking with Jacob's name on it hanging next to the rest of Esme's hand-made stockings at Christmas time. One for each member of the family, by blood or by choice. He recalled Jasper mentioning that his siblings were having dinner with Bella and Jacob tomorrow. Jasper had also insisted that they get a drink soon, just Edward, him, and Emmett, the three of them - as if there were someone they would be excluding.

He said another silent prayer to help him save Jacob Black.

* * *

Bella Swan

September 3 – 4th, 2017

Alice helped her make calls on their way to the Virginia Mason Medical Center. She wished she knew more, so that she could at least try to provide some level of comfort to their loved ones. All she'd been able to choke out to Charlie after Alice had passed her the phone was "Please come". She just wanted her dad. She was afraid if she said anything more right then, she'd start to cry, and she really didn't want to do that, so she'd kept it simple. _Please come_.

Jacob's father had passed away before their wedding, but Alice helped her call his sisters, who both lived more than 5 hours away. She promised to call them both as soon as she found out anything.

When they arrived at the hospital, it was surrounded by flashing lights that made her head hurt. Or, come to think of it, her head had already hurt.

She blinked, realizing that they were walking into the hospital and she didn't even remember getting out of the car. She felt weird - floaty. Like she needed something to hold on to, something to ground her in the moment. She bit the inside of her cheek, willing herself to stay present.

She'd been to the ER her fair share of times over the years, but always as the patient. And Jacob was always at her side. The fluorescent lights seemed especially bright as she, Alice, and Rose spilled into the lobby. She felt her pulse soar and her breath quicken. Alice whispered something to Rose and then disappeared, and Rose hugged her arms tighter around Bella's shoulders.

They huddled together for an indiscernible amount of time - time was becoming a slippery thing. Alice eventually came back with Emmett in tow, and Bella immediately ran to him. "Where is he?"

"He's being taken care of," Emmett told her.

"Where? Can you bring me to him?" she asked, wringing her hands.

Emmett hesitated, sharing a long glance with Alice.

"Please," Bella pleaded. "I'd like to be with him."

"The doctors are working on him," Emmett told her gently.

She swallowed hard. "Still?"

Emmett nodded. He opened his mouth to say something, but then had to clear his throat and try again. "It's not good, Bells," he choked out.

"I need to be with him," she begged, only growing more frantic.

Emmett reluctantly agreed. With Alice on her right and Rosalie on her left, she followed Emmett deeper into the emergency department. People swarmed around her, but she was only focused on Emmett's back. They stopped short in front of a room with the door open, and she watched doctors and nurses huddled around the bed. Was this Jacob's room? Was he in there?

She needed to see him, and there were too many people in the way. Emmett was talking to her, but she couldn't hear him. She pulled free of Alice and Rose and pushed her way past Emmett and into the room. There were too many people - didn't they understand that she needed to see her husband?

She caught sight of his face and almost breathed a sigh of relief. He looked like he was just resting against the pillow. But then a nurse moved out of her line of sight to the rest of him, and she saw the blood. There was so much blood. It was Jake's blood. _You're supposed to wear your blood on the inside_. How many times had he told her that?

All of the air seemed to leave her body at once, and she was left struggling for more. She braced her hands on her knees as she worked to pull oxygen into her lungs. A familiar bronze-haired doctor looked up from his work and spotted her. She closed her eyes against his anguished face. He was breaking her heart. The anguish on his face pained her, not only because she couldn't stand the thought of Edward being hurt, but also because that anguish told her what she didn't want to know.

"Bella."

She looked up and he was suddenly at her side. She was losing time again. She forgot to hold on to something.

"You shouldn't be in here," he said, his voice low, his mouth at her ear. Alice was at her side then, too, and with Edward's help, pulled her out of the room.

Before she knew it, she was sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair in the waiting room with her friends on either side of her. Alice was holding her hand and Rose had her hand on Bella's knee, and she was glad. Just for good measure, she gripped the arm of the chair for all she was worth. She had to stay there, stay grounded. Her fight or flight response was in full-swing, and she was sure as hell going to fight this.

Edward had said he would be back to let them know. Let them know what, she wondered. He hadn't said.

She watched Emmett pace back and forth across the waiting room floor, reminding her of a tiger in a cage. Her eyes followed him like a tennis match; back and forth, back and forth.

They had to take Jacob into surgery, they said. At least she knew then that his heart was still beating. Your heart had to be beating for surgery, right?

She was so tired, and wanted to close her eyes, but she knew that she couldn't. She wasn't sure why, just that something bad would happen. Instead, she watched the hands on the clock move. When the big hand on the clock had made its rotation three times, she wondered why the waiting room didn't have more comfortable chairs.

 _Oh my God!_ Jacob was in surgery. She should be thinking about something else! She wasn't tired anymore, but liked the tired more than the panic. She heard Rosalie shout, and Alice came running back to them with two cups of coffee, which she quickly shoved into the hands of an orderly nearby. Bella realized she was gasping, and her face felt hot but the rest of her was cold.

Rosalie made soothing sounds and squeezed her hand tighter and Alice was rubbing her arm and smoothing her hair back from her face while Bella sat on the edge of her uncomfortable plastic chair. "Sshh, honey, I know. I know, sweetie," Alice mumbled. "We're here, okay? We're here with you."

Bella had to concentrate for a few more minutes to remember how to breathe. She needed something to do, something to concentrate on. "What should I do?" she asked, her eyes wide. "What should I think about? I have to be thinking about something other than plastic chairs while Jacob-"

"Hush, Bella," Rose cut her off, and she was so glad, because she didn't want to hear the end of her own sentence. "Just think about something happy."

Happy? What was something happy? She thought about Jacob.

She thought about Jacob this morning in the shower. She thought about him last week when he surprised her with flowers, just because. She thought about Jacob on her birthday, when he'd tried to bake her a cake and had set off the smoke detectors, and they had to yell to hear each other, and then they fell down laughing and made love on the kitchen floor. She thought about him last Christmas, when he'd held the mistletoe over his head and dipped her in a passionate kiss while their friends whistled.

She thought about the way Jake's eyes looked when he laughed. The way Jake's eyes looked when he told her he loved her. The way Jake's eyes looked at their wedding, as she held his gaze while she walked down the aisle, as she said her vows, as she promised to love him for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until...

She felt Alice and Rose stiffen beside her. She looked up then and saw his eyes. She walked to him, holding his gaze.

And right then her heart broke. She felt it shatter. Her heart broke because that anguish told her what she didn't want to know.

"Bella," he choked. He shook his head, and his green eyes filled with tears.

She wrapped her arms tight around herself to try to keep the pieces from falling on the floor as she broke apart.

* * *

Edward Cullen

September 4, 2017

There was too much bleeding. They were all covered in Jacob's blood, and he was losing it faster than they could pump it into him.

"Time of death, 1:36 am." The words floated after him as he stormed out of the OR, discarding his blood-soaked smock.

Once he reached the hallway, he didn't know what to do. He paced back and forth. _Fuck!_ He'd barely talked to Bella since before her wedding, and now he had to go and tell her that her husband is dead. Strangely, and inappropriately, one of his first thoughts was that Jasper would be free tomorrow night. Jacob wasn't going to be around tomorrow for that dinner.

That wasn't right. You're supposed to get tomorrow.

He took his anger out on the wall, which was a decision he regretted immediately as his knuckles began to throb. He leaned against the wall with one arm and pinched the bridge of his nose. God, why her?

"I'm sorry, Edward." His father laid a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

He just nodded. It was a ridiculous question that didn't require a response. How could he possibly be alright? How could he tell the girl he loved that her whole life just fell apart?

He realized that Carlisle was still looking at him anxiously. "Do you want me to do it?"

Edward shook his head. "No," he tried, but it came out as a croak. He cleared his throat and tried again. "No. I'll tell her."

He owed her that much.


	3. Wish I Could Turn Back Time - Sept 2017

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All recognizable Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer.

 **Listen To:** _Sleep_ by Melissa Etheridge; _Time Stands Still_ by The All-American Rejects

 **Chapter 3 -** Wish I Could Turn Back Time

Bella Swan

September 4th - 8th, 2017

Before she could leave the hospital, she'd had to talk to the police. Apparently it was standard protocol when gunshots were involved. Two plainclothes detectives brought her into a room and closed the door behind them.

"We're so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Black," the portlier man had started.

"Swan," she corrected automatically.

The man consulted his small notebook and corrected himself. "Mrs. Swan. I apologize. If you don't mind, we have a few questions for you."

"Okay," she agreed meekly. She was fairly certain they would ask her anyway even if she did mind, but at that moment, she couldn't really bring herself to care one way or the other.

The detective had apparently decided to dispense with all other pleasantries. "Your husband was shot three times in the chest and abdomen. Our precinct received a call reporting the shots from a couple who happened to be taking a walk near your husband's garage. When our men arrived on the scene, your husband was alone and unconscious."

She swallowed hard and willed him silently to stop. She didn't want to be hearing this.

"Where were you this evening between 10:30 and 11 PM?" he continued.

"At home." Her voice came out shaky, and she took a deep breath and let it out. "I was at home with my friends."

He nodded. "Did you know where your husband was at that time?"

Her eyes flashed up to his. "I knew he was at work."

"Did your husband always keep such late hours at work?"

"No," she answered. "Is that important? What does that have to do with anything?"

The other cop stepped in then, pushing himself off the wall he'd been leaning against. "We're sorry if our questions might seem strange, Mrs. Swan. We don't mean to be harsh. But we've been assigned to your husband's case, and this is all important for us to know in the context of our investigation."

"Investigation?" she repeated numbly.

"The investigation of the shooting," he clarified.

She couldn't believe this was happening. She drew in another shaky breath, trying to wrap her mind around the situation. "You're investigating why Jacob was shot?"

"We realize this must be difficult for you. Do you need anything? Water? Coffee?" His apologetic smile seemed genuine enough.

Bella looked Good Cop in the eyes and shook her head. "No, that's fine. I'll answer what I can."

Indifferent Cop nodded efficiently and dove back into his questioning. "So to clarify, you're saying it was not typical for Mr. Black to work so late?"

She shook her head again. "He was accommodating a customer's schedule."

"Right." The man consulted his notebook again. "A Mr. Owens, who brought in his Aston Martin."

"Is that what this was about?" she asked. "Was the car stolen?"

The two men exchanged glances, but ignored her question. The portly man pressed on. "Was it common for Mr. Black to have other employees with him at the garage?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," she replied hesitantly.

"Meaning, would anyone have known that Mr. Black would be alone tonight?"

"He doesn't usually work this late at all," she repeated.

"But he did sometimes," the cop inferred.

She shifted in her seat under his scrutiny. "I guess so."

Good Cop swooped in again, pulling a chair around the table to take a seat next to her. "Listen, Isabella, we can't imagine what you're going through right now. I know this must be hard. We're sorry to have to ask you all these questions, but this is important."

She blinked back tears and bit the inside of her cheek. "I think in the past, when he's worked late, Quil or Embry were usually with him."

She watched Indifferent Cop jot that down in his notebook. "We'll follow up with them, too."

"Now, Isabella, this next question might be difficult," Good Cop warned her.

Indifferent Cop gave her an appraising look, as if judging whether she could handle it. She did her best to brace herself.

"Mrs. Swan," he began. "Did your husband have any known enemies?"

The question knocked the wind out of her. She could read between the lines. "Are you saying someone did this on purpose? That someone went there to hurt him?"

The two men exchanged another long glance, and Bella watched as they seemed to have an entire conversation without saying a word. Finally the Good Cop sighed.

"Nothing was stolen," he revealed. "Not the Aston Martin, not any of the other cars. No equipment, supplies, cash, paperwork - nothing was touched."

Bella struggled with that revelation. The pieces of this puzzle didn't make any sense. Clearly they had to be missing something. There had to be an explanation. This couldn't have happened for no reason. It must have been a mistake. A stupid, terrible, horrific mistake.

"No one has ever disliked Jacob," she insisted, though it came out as little more than a whisper. "That's impossible. Jacob is just a great guy."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she realized her error. Present tense. From that moment on, Jacob would only be past-tense. She tried to swallow around the lump in her throat, but couldn't. Her eyes flooded with tears. Who would do this to Jacob? There was no way this was happening. This couldn't be happening.

The two men exchanged another furtive glance, and then Good Cop put a hand on her shoulder. "We're so sorry, Mrs. Swan. You've been very helpful. You're free to go, and we'll call you with any further questions in the next few days, okay?"

"Thank you," she managed through her tears. She wasn't sure why she was thanking them; she wasn't sure at all of the etiquette associated with this scenario.

The two men exited to give her some privacy. Emmett and Rose must have been loitering near the door, because they swept in the moment she was alone. Emmett gave a curt nod to his colleagues, and Rose rushed to Bella's side.

"Oh, honey," Rose murmured gently. "Let's go home, okay?"

Bella could only nod, and let herself be escorted from the hospital.

By the time they arrived back at her house, she'd managed to get herself under control again, but then found herself at a loss. At the hospital, there had been doctors and nurses and police, all pointing her in the right direction, letting her know what was needed of her. Now that she was home, she didn't know what to do with herself. She'd finally stopped losing pieces of time, but now that she was in the moment, she didn't know what to do with it. The minutes and hours ticked by, and Jacob was just dead. That wasn't right.

What was she supposed to do next? She kept trying to come up with an answer, becoming frustrated as more time slipped away while she was still stuck wondering. She needed the time to stop. Just give her a minute to catch up.

A realization struck her then and she sucked in a breath. She should have put out food. Damn, why hadn't she thought of that? Everyone was at her house, and she should have put out food for them, or offered them something. She was being a terrible hostess.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror above the bathroom sink. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she swiped under her lashes to clear the last traces of mascara. She'd bitten her bottom lip until it was bloody, but there was nothing to be done about that now. Her same old eyes gazed back at her through the mirror.

Jacob just died. Shouldn't she look different? Surely nothing could ever be the same again.

Alice knocked tentatively on the bathroom door. "Bella?"

How long had she been standing there?

She followed Alice wordlessly into the living room and took a seat on the couch next to her father, who rubbed his face with his hands. Alice went straight to Jasper and hugged him tightly. Quil and Embry, who worked at the garage with Jacob, were sitting on the other side of her father. Seth and Leah would have been there, but they were on vacation with their mother. She'd called them, and listened to Seth's voice break as he told her they'd be back soon. Carlisle sat with Esme at the kitchen table, doing his best to comfort her as she cried silently. Rosalie sat in Emmett's lap in one of Bella's overstuffed upholstered chairs, and Edward sat in the other.

She couldn't stand to just sit there any longer, so she got up and went to the kitchen. She was usually at her best in the kitchen, but for once she was lost. The rules of etiquette made it clear that she needed to provide her guests with something to eat, but she didn't know what they'd like. What would be appropriate?

She stood in front of the fridge and stared at its contents. Had it really only been earlier today that she'd been happily cleaning the fridge? A glance at the clock above the stove revealed that it was 4:37 am. It was yesterday, then.

She shivered, still standing in front of the open refrigerator. What should she make? She always made fruit tarts for celebrations, and her famous salmon cakes for parties. This wasn't an occasion for either. What goes well with shock and horror?

She shivered again. Shock. Is that what she was feeling? No, that couldn't be it. Her world had stopped, but the earth had kept turning, taking no heed that she needed it to stop.

She grabbed a bag of carrots and a stalk of celery and brought them over to her cutting board. She was in the habit of washing the groceries when she brought them home, so all she had to do was cut them up and put them on a platter. If she were lucky, maybe she could lose herself in the familiar task.

Alice came up behind her while she was chopping. Bella turned to look at her, and almost wished she hadn't. She didn't want to see what her bright, happy, bouncing Alice had been reduced to. Her eyes were red and her face was drawn.

Unbidden, a cascade of images from the past few hours flashed before Bella's eyes.

 _Rosalie sat quietly in her chair at the hospital with her head in her hands, and Emmett knelt at her feet. She remembered seeing Carlisle talking quietly on his cell phone. She couldn't make out his words, but the look on his face had been more than enough. She remembered hearing Alice say "no". She couldn't remember when Jasper had arrived, but he stood straight with his arms wrapped loosely around his wife, and she was pounding him with her tiny fists while she cried. She hit him over and over, murmuring "no, no" until she collapsed against him, crying quietly._

"Bella?" Alice's voice brought her back to the kitchen. She realized that she'd stopped chopping and was staring blankly at the cutting board. "What are you doing in here?"

"People must be hungry."

Alice nodded, her wide eyes full of concern. "Okay."

She let Bella pile the veggies on a plate and followed her back into the living room, where she placed them on the coffee table before reclaiming her seat next to Charlie. She stared at the plate of vegetables. No one took any, and they continued to sit wordlessly. What could be said?

"Bella." The sound of her name came as a shock, and she automatically turned to look in the direction of whoever just spoke. Quil gestured to himself and Embry. "It's getting late. We're gonna take off."

"Right, it's late," she mumbled. "Thanks for coming."

She stood up to see them to the door. In the midst of chaos, she felt that she should at least be able to maintain her good manners.

"We'll call you tomorrow," Embry promised. She hugged them both and shut the door behind them.

"We should be getting home as well." Carlisle and Esme stood and they exchanged hugs.

"If you need anything, just call," Esme insisted, her tears still falling freely. She hugged Bella tightly and Bella clung to her, inhaling the indescribable scent that would always give her a feeling of being home. "Do you promise?"

She nodded. "I promise. Thank you."

She shut the front door behind Esme and Carlisle and watched them through the window as they drove away. Eventually she had to turn away from the door. She walked back to the living room and looked at her friends, her family. She couldn't stand to see them so broken. She couldn't do this anymore.

"I'm going to go lie down," she announced. A part of her argued that she was being terribly selfish by leaving them, but that small part was waging a losing war. She was so tired.

She padded down the hall to the bedroom It looked the same as it always did. Jacob always made the bed. She laid down on top of the covers. After watching 37 minutes tick away on the clock on the bedside table, she turned onto her other side, but that left her facing the empty side of the bed. She quickly decided that the clock was better. Awhile later she the door open and click shut again, and then Alice laid down next to her.

"Everyone's gone," she whispered.

Damn. She should have said goodbye.

* * *

Light behind her eyelids signaled her to wake up. She rolled over and reached out to… Oh, _God_.

She sat up, gasping. She couldn't get enough air. She'd _forgotten_.

She closed her eyes tight. She'd fallen asleep. She'd fallen asleep, and forgotten. How could she have fallen asleep? If she hadn't gone to sleep, then maybe yesterday wouldn't have been real. Couldn't yesterday have not been real?

Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt like her veins had been flushed with ice water. Her stomach was in her throat, and for a few moments she thought she might be sick. She sat on the bed only long enough for the nausea to pass and to catch her breath. She was still shaking when she stood up, but she had to get out. Without glancing back at the bed, she shut the door behind her.

A glance at the clock in the dining room told her it was 10 am, which meant she'd slept for about 3 hours. Apparently that was long enough.

She turned on the tv and sat on the couch with her knees pulled to her chest. She knew Alice was still in the guest room, but she wanted to let her sleep as much as she could. She'd been through a lot.

After awhile, she felt Alice situate herself on the couch and put an arm around her shoulders. They sat in silence. A few hours later, Rosalie arrived and joined them. At one point Alice put a sandwich in front of her. She wasn't hungry, so she left it alone.

The day was punctuated by doorbells and phone calls. Her dining room table was covered in flowers, and her fridge was quickly filling up with casseroles. She got calls from both Rebecca and Rachel. She knew that eventually she was going to have to snap into gear and help get things prepared for the funeral.

She didn't want to do this.

Seth and Leah stopped by. It broke her heart to see Seth cry. They'd both been through too much at too young an age, and the last thing they needed was another funeral. Esme was there for awhile, and Jasper was around at various points throughout the day. He still had patients to see, but he stayed as long as he could. Angela came by with a tray of crackers, cheese, and grapes. Apparently that was what one should serve in this situation. Leave it to Angela to know.

When it was dark outside, Bella was still sitting on the couch with Alice and Rose. The doorbell rang and Alice got up to answer, again. She came back in with Emmett and Edward in tow.

"Hey Bella."

She looked up. It was usually hard not to return Emmett's smile, but she didn't think she had it in her. She noticed that Edward was still wearing his scrubs.

Rosalie left to pick up Emily from the babysitter, and Emmett was in the kitchen with Alice when Edward turned to look at Bella. His hair was a complete mess, as opposed to its usual controlled disarray. He had circles under his eyes and was sporting heavy stubble. Edward was a guy who was typically unable to look bad, but he certainly didn't look good. She stared at him from her position on the couch with her cheek resting against her knees.

He ran both hands through his hair a couple of times before speaking. His soft voice was strained. "Bella, I'm so sorry."

She nodded. She'd been hearing that a lot lately.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and she knew him well enough to know that he only did that when he was upset, or had a headache. He closed his eyes and sighed, shaking his head. "I really tried. I swear I tried."

Oh. He thinks it's his fault.

Bella knew she should say something, but she didn't know what. Words were not something that she was capable of anymore. But still, he should know that she didn't blame him. He had to know that, didn't he? It wasn't his fault.

When he opened his eyes, she caught his gaze and held it. She shook her head and tried to convey her message with her eyes. _Don't blame yourself. I don't. We know you did your best._

He sighed again and gave her a rueful smile. The kind of smile that said you were anything but happy.

Emmett had to drive Edward home. Jasper came back again, and Bella tried not to listen to Alice speaking softly to him in the kitchen. Her voice was muffled and Bella knew that she wasn't meant to hear.

"Jazz, I don't know what to do," she whispered. Bella could tell she was crying. Although she didn't like Alice being upset, she took a small amount of comfort in knowing that she wasn't the only one who didn't know what to do.

"I don't know how to comfort her," Alice continued. "She doesn't talk, she doesn't even cry. I don't know what to do."

"Just stay with her," Jasper answered in a low voice. "She's still in shock. Just give her some time. All you need to do is be there for her."

"Tell me what to do," she pleaded. "Please tell me we'll make it through this."

Alice continued to cry while Jasper made soothing sounds, and Bella continued to try not to hear. Alice calmed down after a few moments and pulled herself back together. When she emerged from the kitchen, only the slight redness of her eyes betrayed her.

Jasper sat quietly in one of the armchairs, and Bella could tell that just his presence had a positive impact on Alice's composure. He was solid, steady, and she drew strength from him that made her more stable, too. It was past midnight when he said goodbye, which left her alone with Alice on the couch again.

"Bella, it's getting late," she said gently. "Do you think you want to go to bed?"

She just shook her head. She couldn't go back in there. She didn't even want to sleep. She wouldn't be able to bear it if she forgot again, and had to remember. Living it once was bad enough.

Alice stayed on the couch with her, and when she fell asleep Bella stared blankly at the television. She thought that if she could bring herself to care about the late night sitcom rerun, then maybe she could escape for a minute. But she really couldn't care.

* * *

The next few days seemed to last a lifetime, and yet there were really no distinguishable events. Time was a slippery thing, and Bella couldn't seem to keep a handle on it. The very meaning of time had begun to wear away. What did it really matter?

She had to prepare for the funeral. She knew it was coming, but that didn't make it any easier. Alice was a huge help. Her coordination skills were indispensable when it came to trying to track down Quileute elders, make phone calls, and order flowers. Bella was supposed to write and deliver the eulogy. That was the one thing that she was in charge of.

"If you need any help, just let me know," Jasper had offered. She got similar offers from Esme, Emmett, and Angela. The problem was, she didn't just need help. She didn't even know where to begin.

"You're a writer, Bella," Alice encouraged. "This is what you do. Just think of the happiest memories you have of Jacob, and write them down. You'll be fine."

Would she ever be fine again? She doubted it. But that was beside the point.

She tried to write it. She sat down at her computer on several occasions, but each time she found herself staring at a blank page with a blinking cursor. She didn't want to think about happy memories of Jacob. She didn't want her memories, she wanted _him_.

She tried to write multiple times over the next two days, until suddenly the funeral was a day away, and she still only had a blinking cursor. As she sat at her desk staring at a blank computer screen, she was only too eager to take Alice up on her suggestion to accompany her to pick up the flowers. Bella knew that her well-meaning friend's primary objective was just to get her out of the house, but at that moment, she just needed to get away from the computer. Angela was supposed to be arriving with food for the luncheon after the burial, and she would need someone to let her into the house and help her unload the car. Edward had ridden over with Alice, and agreed to stay at the house.

Alice drove Jasper's SUV so that they would have enough room for the flowers in the back. Bella stared silently out the window as they drove to the florist, trying to ignore the worried looks Alice gave her every 30 seconds.

They couldn't find any parking near the florist shop, so they were going to have to carry the flowers about a block to get them to the car. As they walked to the store, Bella shivered and regretted not bringing a jacket. Summer was really over.

As they walked down the block, Bella heard laughter and automatically turned her head toward the sound. Who could possibly be laughing at a time like this?

A teenager across the street was laughing with her boyfriend while eating a burger. Bella realized in a dizzying rush that she was across the street from the park. _Their_ park. The very last place she'd ever talked to Jacob. It was the very last place she'd ever seen her husband alive. Suddenly she wasn't cold anymore. She was having a panic attack.

She stepped into the alley and around the corner of a building, leaning against the brick exterior and gasping. Alice smoothed her hair and rubbed circles on her back. "Put your head between your knees," she encouraged.

Bella sank to the ground and followed the advice, surprisingly finding that it was easier that way to feel like she wasn't dying. She managed to breathe like a normal human for a few moments.

"Bella." Alice's concerned face entered her field of view, studying her. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know," she replied back, her voice coming out tight. That was the honest truth. For her friend's sake, she added on. "I hope so."


	4. In My Hour of Darkness - Sept 2017

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All recognizable Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **Listen To:** _Let it Be,_ by Carol Woods & Timothy T. Mitchum (from the " _Across the Universe_ " soundtrack; the version makes a big difference, trust me) _ & How to Save a Life _by The Fray

 **Chapter 3 - In My Hour of Darkness**

Bella Swan

September 9, 2017

Sitting in the window seat, she watched the sun rise. It was starting out as a cloudless day in Seattle, which happened about 4 times a year. She used to love the sun, but on that day she prayed for rain. Or at least clouds. It just couldn't be sunny on the day she buried her husband.

Let there be rain. She continued to stare out the window as the sun rose higher and higher, unobstructed. _Come on. Please._

"Please what?"

Bella hadn't heard Alice come up behind her, and she hadn't realized that she'd been chanting her mantra out loud. "I was asking for clouds."

"But you love the sun." Alice attempted a smile.

"It can't be sunny," she asserted vehemently, shaking her head. "Not today."

When Bella turned to look at her, Alice's lips were pressed into a thin line. She nodded sagely, and they left it at that. Then Alice held out her hand. "Come on."

Bella complied to being pulled from her seat and led into the dining room. Her family was already there, though she hadn't noticed them arriving. They were spread out between the living and dining rooms, talking quietly amongst themselves and shooting her cautious sidelong glances. She recognized that she was making people uncomfortable with her listless demeanor, but couldn't quite muster up the energy to care.

Alice sat her down in a chair with a plate of pancakes in front of it and plopped down in the seat across from her. She pointed at the plate. "Eat."

Bella sighed. "Alice, I'm really not-"

"Eat!" she insisted, cutting Bella off with a hand in the air and a motherly look. "You haven't eaten anything in days, and you need to eat something now, so I'm going to sit here and watch you until you eat every bite of those damn pancakes."

Bella knew better than to think she could argue with Alice when she had that look. She reluctantly picked up her fork and knife and shredded the pancakes, taking tiny bites every now and then to appease Alice. When she couldn't possibly eat any more, she pushed the rest of the pieces around on the plate. She was stalling, knowing that when she stood up from the table, she had to start getting ready for the funeral.

Angela lowered herself gently into the chair next to her. She put her hand over Bella's and and squeezed gently. "Honey, I think it's time."

Resolutely, Bella walked to her bedroom in silence, but when she reached the closed door, she could only stand there and stare. She hadn't been back in the room since the first morning she'd woken up without him. Alice and Rosalie appeared beside her, and Rose linked her arm with Bella's.

"I bring out your clothes for you, if you want," Alice offered quietly.

"I have to do this?" It came out sounding more like a question than a statement, which she hated, so swallowed and tried again. "I can do it."

"You can," Rosalie encouraged. "We'll help you get ready, and we'll help you get through this."

With her friends at her side, she steeled herself, and then gently pushed open the door. The bed was still made, but rumpled on one side where she'd slept on top of the comforter that first night. She drew in a shaky breath, then made her way to the bathroom.

As she stood in the shower and let the hot water pound against her back, she prayed for the strength to make it through the day. She had never been very religious, but she found herself praying a lot these days. _Please, God, let me make it through this day. Just one more day._ She needed all the help she could get, so she figured prayer couldn't hurt. How could she do this on her own? She had to think there was a higher power that could help her. Then again, if there were a higher power, why was she in this position to begin with? Jacob was gone. How could that have happened?

It didn't seem possible. How could she do this? It was too much. This day was too much. She wouldn't make it.

She started to hyperventilate. She couldn't get enough oxygen. She was going to die.

Remembering the trick about her head between her knees, she sank to the floor of the shower, gasping. Letting the water cascade over her and trickle into her eyes, she struggled to breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. This, she could do.

But to make it through this day? That was something she couldn't do. She'd tried to picture it over the past few days, having given up hope that time would stop. She'd known this was coming, but as hard as she tried, she hadn't been able to conjure up a picture of how she would get through this day. There was no conceivable way that she could go to Jacob's funeral and remain in one piece.

A tentative knock sounded at the bathroom door. "Are you okay?"

That was such a ridiculous question, but by force of habit, she found herself automatically replying. "I'm fine."

What else could she do? She knew she couldn't stay here, on the floor of the shower, while her husband was buried. She took a deep breath and slowly made her way to her feet.

She couldn't conquer this day. No way. She didn't know how to do that. But she did know how to wash the shampoo out of her hair. That, she could do. After that, she could dry herself off. Her mind grasped the dilemma of her situation and went into self-preservation mode, breaking down her next steps into composite pieces. She could do this. If she took it one step at a time, she could manage.

She could get dressed. She'd done that before, so she knew what to do and what to expect. That was step one. Alice, who always thought ahead, had bought her a new dress, and Bella was infinitely grateful. The only black dress she'd had in her closet was the dress she'd worn on hers and Jake's anniversary, and she refused to wear that again today. Whatever dress she wore today, she was sure she'd never want to lay eyes on again.

Alice and Rose were also integral in step two, which was hair and makeup. She had to look presentable. When they were finished, Bella still had dark circles under her eyes, but she couldn't expect miracles. Days without sleep couldn't be remedied even with all the concealer in the world.

She looked at herself in the mirror, taking in her plain, black, knee-length dress. Rosalie had blown her hair out and Alice had applied light makeup. She was ready for step three. What was step three? She needed another step.

"What now?" she asked, hoping that they wouldn't detect the frantic note in her voice.

"We'll go make sure everyone else is ready to go," Rose offered.

She nodded her head, seeing in the mirror that her eyes were wide. Step three was a big one. She cleared her throat. "You guys go ahead and get everyone ready. I'll be out in a minute."

"Are you sure?"

"I just need a minute," she assured, though she was sure that she would need much more than a minute to be truly ready for this. Nonetheless, her friends took her at her word and shut the door gently behind them.

She sat on the edge of the bed and took inventory. Was she ready for step three? Could she get in the car and drive to the funeral? Physically, yes. She was capable of that. If she just focused on physically getting into the car, she'd be fine. She had everything she needed - her black dress, her purse, her…

Eulogy. She hadn't finished the eulogy. She'd never even started it.

Panicking and trying not to hyperventilate again, she ran to her computer. How could she have let this happen? The eulogy was the _one thing_ that she was in charge of, and she couldn't even do that right! She was not this person, the person who doesn't get things done. Bella Swan is an independent, reliable, successful woman. Unfortunately, she wasn't quite sure where Bella Swan was at the moment. Would she ever be herself again? Would she even be able to function as a normal human being?

She should have taken someone up on their offer to help. Angela's father was a preacher, so she surely could have helped. Esme was so compassionate; she would have loved to contribute. And who was better at channeling the right emotions than Jasper, the psychologist? He would have written a beautiful eulogy.

She managed to avoid running into anyone as she made her way into her office and sat down with her laptop. There was the file she'd started, saved simply as "Jacob". She clicked on the file and was prepared to be greeted by a blank page with the all-too-familiar blinking cursor. But to her surprise, it wasn't blank.

It was there. A eulogy that she never wrote was somehow written, beautifully so, and saved to her desktop.

* * *

How was she doing this? How was she here? Even as she stood silently, hearing but not listening to the Quileute elder whose name she didn't even remember, she wondered how she was managing to do it. How had she gotten there?

Her life had degenerated into minutes, sometimes seconds. She told herself she just needed to get through the next 30 seconds. And then the next. 30 seconds didn't sound so bad, but in the back of her mind she asked herself when she could rest. When could she stop making it through? Couldn't she just stop?

As she stood there among her family, both those she'd been born with and those she'd chosen, she knew she couldn't stop. Charlie was right beside her, doing his best to remain strong for her, though his eyes were red and his jaw was clenched. Jacob had been a son to him in all the truest senses of the word. She needed to be strong for him, too. She could do this, for her family.

Another 30 seconds passed, and she began to doubt herself again. Could she really, though? Could she do this? She drew in a deep breath. It felt shaky, and it must have sounded that way, too, because Alice reached over to squeeze her hand in reassurance.

Before she knew it, all of her strings of 30 seconds were up and it was her turn. Facing her friends and family, she said her goodbyes to her husband. She began to read the beautiful eulogy that she didn't write, but that spoke the truth better than she ever could.

"'We say that the hour of death cannot be forecast, but when we say this we imagine that hour as placed in an obscure and distant future. It never occurs to us that it has any connection with the day already begun or that death could arrive this same afternoon, this afternoon which is so certain and which has every hour filled in advance.' –Marcel Proust."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "You're supposed to get _tomorrow_. But if we've learned anything from this past week, it's that you can't take tomorrow for granted. Luckily for us all, Jacob understood that. He lived for the day. He took advantage of every opportunity, and lived life to the fullest."

"Jacob Black was blessed with the gift of light. He could light up the darkness, and he brought light to the lives of those around him. I think of what he's done for my family, and I know that each of us has been changed by his presence. I will always be grateful to him for that, and so much more."

She continued to read the memories of Jacob and wondered who they had come from. Who could have captured her own thoughts so beautifully? She read aloud about the big events in their lives, like their first Christmas together with her whole family, and their wedding. Then she improvised and went off-book. She set the typed page aside as her own words started to flow more easily. She talked about the fateful night when she and Jacob got caught in a storm. They were holding hands, running through the rain. They couldn't catch a cab, and were both soaking wet. When they finally ran up to the door of Jacob's apartment, he reached into his pocket and instead of a key, he pulled out a ring. As she stood there dripping, with wet strands of her hair sticking to her face and neck, he said that he'd been carrying the ring around with him for weeks, but that he couldn't have planned a better moment to propose, and asked if he could spend the rest of his life with her. He'd said please, and she'd said yes.

She paused, and blinked hard. She _would not_ do this now. Later, she could cry. Not now, not here. She had to stay strong. She'd come this far; she could keep going. Just another 30 seconds.

She glanced down at the paper in her hands and continued with the written words. "If we've learned anything from Jacob, it's that you don't always get tomorrow. We need to take advantage of every day we're given. Live for the moment, because there's no day but today."

She walked back to her seat, trying not to pay attention to Charlie, who was crying openly. She also avoided looking at Alice, whose face was buried in Jasper's chest, her shoulders heaving with sobs. She couldn't bear to see her strong, willful Rosalie with tears streaming silently down her cheeks while Emmett stroked her hair. Bella felt familiar eyes on her, but when she sought them out, Edward averted his gaze toward his shoes.

To her great dismay, the sun was still shining during the burial service, and she found herself wondering if she'd ever be able to love the sun again. Jacob had truly been her light and warmth, and without him it was just painful and blinding. She watched as they lowered him into the ground.

People talk about having broken hearts, about feeling shattered, but she hadn't ever thought that the words were meant to be so literal. She could actually feel the pieces inside her breaking; the shards of herself trying to tear her apart. She wrapped her arms around her torso to keep the pieces inside. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to put herself back together again, but she thought she would at least want to keep the pieces.

* * *

"I'm so sorry, Bella." She accepted another hug, this one from Emily Uley. "We'll all miss him so much, but he's in a better place."

Bella nodded. She'd heard that a lot, lately. "Thank you for coming," she replied perfunctorily. She'd been on auto-pilot for the past hour and a half.

After the service, everyone had come back to her house for the luncheon. It was yet another thing that she didn't know how to handle, and once more she felt a surge of gratefulness for her friends. Alice and Angela were busy running the show, and Rosalie was good at diverting people when Bella began to get overwhelmed. That left her with nothing to focus on but surviving. Still, she wasn't sure how much longer she could do this. It felt like it got harder with every breath. Her 30 second increments were broken down further to 15. Surely she could do anything for just 15 seconds. Even this.

"Bella?" Seth questioned tentatively.

Bella turned to him to see his eyes bright with unshed tears. They hugged, and she was relieved that he didn't feel the need to utter a single word. After all, what was there to be said? 'I'm sorry' just didn't seem to cover it. She felt him tighten his arms around her, and she pressed her face into his shoulder. Eventually they broke apart, and she was left to face the rest of the crowd.

All day she'd been on the receiving end of worried glances, particularly from Alice and Charlie, but at that moment she also noticed Edward eyeing her warily. They regarded her as if she were a ticking time bomb.

Maybe they were right. Her gaze swept over the crowd and took in the familiar faces of all the people that she and Jacob loved. She saw them worried, grieving, in pain. She had to get out of there.

She snuck away into the kitchen. She tried to busy herself with something; anything. Angela had run point, along with other members of their catering staff, to make sure all the food for the guests was taken care of. Still, there had to be something she could do. Glancing around the kitchen, she spotted extra vegetables waiting to go out to refresh the crudite platters. She grabbed them and started chopping. This was a rhythm that was familiar to her. She could do this.

She paused when she felt a hot, sharp pain. When she looked down, blood was oozing from her finger. She grabbed a kitchen towel and wrapped it around the cut, then stepped into her huge walk-in pantry to find a bandage. She shut the door behind her and leaned against it. She took in the rows of shelving that surrounded her. The pantry was practically large enough to qualify as its own room of the house. She remembered when they'd first moved into this house, and the pride Jacob had taken in building this for her. It was beautiful, and she loved it.

She closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the door. She could hear the low, muffled voices of her guests in the other room. She just had to make it through until they left. Just a little while longer, and then…

Then, what? Her eyes popped open. That's when it hit her. This wasn't going away. She'd been so focused on all the steps leading up to this point that she hadn't thought about what would happen once it was all over. She had run out of steps. The funeral was over, and now life had to go on. But how could life possibly go on without him? She didn't know how to exist in a world where Jacob doesn't.

Feeling the all-too-familiar effects of panic wash over her, she sunk again to the floor and held her legs to her chest, resting her head on her knees. She couldn't do this now, not with all those people out there. She tried to have her breakdown quietly, covering her mouth with her hands as she gasped for air.

Maybe she wasn't as quiet as she'd tried to be, or knowing him, maybe he'd been coming to check on her anyway. The door opened and she looked up to meet Edward's eyes. He took in the blood-stained towel lying on the floor and his instincts took over. He immediately kneeled down next to her. "What happened?" he demanded. "Where are you hurt?"

"Everywhere," she managed.

"Breathe, Bella," Edward whispered, sitting on the floor across from her. His hands hovered over her, as if he was afraid to touch her.

"I don't know what to do!" she cried. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she tried to focus on Edward's face as her vision swam. Despite her best efforts, her tears began to fall. "How did this happen? How did we get here? Why isn't Jacob here?"

"Bella," he whispered her name again, looking pained.

"I'm not crazy," she insisted, wiping furiously at her tears. "I just don't understand. I don't get how something like this could happen. What did we do to deserve this?"

"No one deserves this," he told her gently. "Bad things just happen."

"I do not accept that!" she whispered hoarsely. If she hadn't been worried about attracting too much attention from the many people right outside the room, she would have screamed it. Her tears were falling faster now. "I _can't_ accept that. I hatethis! I hate this, and I hate him! _I hate him_ for leaving me."

Edward tried to say something, to interrupt her, but she couldn't hear it.

"I get it, okay? I know he's in a better place, but what about me? What am I supposed to do now? I'm the one who's stuck here without him." Her words were punctuated by sobs, and she was having a hard time speaking through her tears and the lump in her throat.

Edward scooted closer to her and gripped her firmly by the shoulders. "Listen to me," he commanded. "You'll get through this, alright? I promise."

"How?" she demanded. "How can you promise me that? I don't know what to do without him. I don't how to _be_ without him! He's always been there for me," she sobbed. "And now he's not. He's gone. Jake was always there. He was there for me when you.. when you-" She was crying so hard now that she couldn't get the words out, but one look at his tormented expression told her that she didn't have to.

"You have us now," he told her firmly. "You have Alice, and Rosalie, and me, and the rest of the family. We're your family, Bella, and we're here for you. You're not alone."

"I don't know who I am anymore," she cried. "I don't know how to live without him."

Without another word, Edward pulled her to his chest and held her close while she broke apart. She surrendered, letting it happen. She'd had enough of trying to hold it together. She'd made it through the endless strings of 30 seconds, and she was done. She gripped his jacket in her fists and clung to him as the rest of the world fell away.

She didn't know how long she'd been lying on the floor of the pantry. The amount of energy it would take to move seemed impossible to even comprehend, and the cool hardwood felt nice against her cheek. She didn't have anywhere else to be. Alice had checked in a couple of times and had hushed conversations with Edward, but each time she left, he rejoined Bella on the floor.

It was relaxing to lie in silence, though she knew that eventually something would have to happen. She just didn't know what it would be. A continuation of life, she supposed. That just didn't seem like a feasible possibility at the moment.

She was jarred slightly from her hard-sought state of numbness when she felt a vibration. Edward dug in his pocket to pull out his pager, and he sighed.

His low voice was a rumble, disrupting the stillness. "Bella, I'm sorry, I have to go."

The best response she could manage was a nod of her head. He slipped quietly out the door, and almost immediately, Alice came in to take his place. She lowered herself gingerly to the floor and lay on her side facing Bella. "It's past midnight, honey, and you haven't slept in days," she whispered. "It's time for you to go to bed."

The thought of going back into the bedroom filled her with dread, and her eyes began to swim with tears once again as she pushed herself to a sitting position. "I can't go back in there," she asserted, shaking her head vehemently.

Alice pulled her into a fierce hug, though her face was bewildered. "It's okay," she murmured. "It's okay. You don't have to." She was silent for a moment while she thought, and then decided. "We'll take you to Charlie's."

Rose stayed with her on the floor while Alice packed her things, and then they both helped her up and loaded her gently into Alice's car. She received hugs from Rosalie and Emmett, who were headed home, and then set off with Alice for the drive to Forks. As they sped down the dark and nearly-deserted highway, it finally began to rain.

When they got to the house, Charlie helped carry her bag up the stairs to her room before retiring for the night. Bella changed out of her funeral dress and lay down on her old twin-sized bed beside Alice. She was so tired, and yet sleep still evaded her. She stared at the ceiling and tried her best to think of nothing. The walls of the room changed color as the sun rose and light leaked in through the drawn curtains. Alice slept off and on, and gave Bella concerned looks through the darkness while she was awake.

The spill of light was almost touching the far corner of the room when Alice swung her feet off the bed and walked over to Bella's old desk to begin rummaging through the drawers. Bella tracked her movement with her eyes, but didn't really care enough to ask her what she was doing. Her unasked question was answered when she heard the click of her old CD player closing, a moment before an all-too-familiar melody began. Alice had found the CD that Edward had recorded for her back in high school.

Bella lay unmoving, listening to the notes that she still knew by heart, even after all these years. She felt Alice lay back down next to her. The third track on the CD was Bella's lullaby, and before she could remember what track came next, sleep finally claimed her.


	5. I Can't Breathe - Sept 2017

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer** : All recognizable Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer.

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing! Next chapter will be up in a week. From here on out, we'll be bouncing back and forth a bit more between past and present.

 **Chapter 5 - I Can't Breathe**

Bella Swan

September 10 – 20, 2017

Time passed, blurred. Losing track of time was all she asked of life. She lay in bed and hoped that time would continue to pass, and just leave her behind. She didn't want to be a part of it.

She'd been having trouble wrapping her mind around this life. Was this really her life now? She didn't know how to do this. She _couldn't_ do this.

The pain was constant. It had come to the point that she couldn't foresee ever living without this jagged hole ripped out of the core of her being. The pain was a steady, rhythmic pulsing that tore through her body. No, that wasn't right. This wasn't just a bodily pain. It tore through her mind… her heart? Her soul.

Yes, that must be it.

It was all she could do to just lie there. She knew that if she moved, spoke, changed anything at all - she would scream. She was afraid to breathe too deeply, for fear that it would jar her from her hard-sought state of stillness. The stillness was what she was fighting for, and without it, she would cry and sob and scream until she tore through her own skin and burst into a million fragments, and even then it wouldn't stop.

And so she was still.

She worked hard to separate herself from any sense of time. The only benchmark she used to note the difference between sleep and consciousness was the sound of someone breathing as they watched over her, and the occasional sound of soft voices from outside the bedroom door.

* * *

Eventually, the screaming in her head lessened. Little by little, she tested the effects of this development by trying to take a deep breath. Her body ached from being in the same position, but the dull ache was a relief in comparison to the agonizing pain that consumed her entire existence, so she didn't move too much just yet.

At one point she woke up to Alice, armed with a glass of water and what appeared to be some kind of soup. She sat up just enough to drink the water; she hadn't noticed, but she was thirsty. She tried to lie back down, but Alice caught her and forced her to eat. It seemed she couldn't remember what the process involved, so Alice helped.

Her guardians continued to keep a close watch over her. The voices behind the door grew less quiet, and more strained. She heard the words "catatonic" and "hospital". These words should have some meaning to her. She struggled to find meaning in something; _anything_. This had to be a good place to start.

Should she be concerned? Didn't catatonic mean that someone was insensitive to the world? That couldn't be right. She did not feel insensitive. Hospital was something she knew, though, and she most certainly did not want to go there. She couldn't walk back through those doors.

So when Charlie entered the room and she felt the shift of the mattress as he sat, she sat up of her own accord.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice sounded painfully hopeful.

That was something she couldn't give him. She couldn't remember how to speak, and had no idea what she'd say. But she took the sandwich from the plate he held and ate as much as she could manage.

* * *

She woke up and found herself staring at Alice, seated in the chair in her old bedroom. From the light in the room, she'd guess it was early evening. Alice noticed that she was awake and Bella recognized the anxiety in her eyes as she perked up from her slouched position. The pull at the corners of Alice's mouth and the dark circles under her eyes expressed her pain. It killed her.

So Bella kept her eyes closed whenever she could. She didn't need to see that; she didn't want to be here.

The next time she opened her eyes, it was morning, and Rose had taken Alice's place. As Bella shuffled to the bathroom, Rose followed her with her eyes as if she were waiting for her to collapse, which was probably a distinct possibility.

She made it back to her bed before the collapse occurred, so she tried to make it look like she was simply lying back down. She felt like her body was going to crumble apart. She faced the wall and tried her best to look asleep while she hugged herself tightly in an attempt to prevent the complete disintegration of everything she knew.

* * *

She was vaguely aware of time passing, but she didn't care enough to wonder how long she'd been there. In fact, she'd been trying her best to keep her mind blank. It was easier to think of nothing. It was the best way to avoid the all-consuming, crushing pain. She'd entered self-preservation mode. Avoidance was her plan.

She could follow the plan as long as she kept her eyes shut, so that's what she did most of the time. Seeing the worried faces of her friends ruined the plan. Every time she opened her eyes she was met with faces full of concern mixed with hope that maybe this time would be different; maybe _she_ would be different. Maybe she would be better.

She really didn't mean to worry anyone. She just couldn't bring herself to muster enough energy to speak, let alone get out of bed.

There had been a concerted effort to never leave her alone. She was at once grateful for the support and thankful for the company, as well as saddened by their pained expressions and angry at herself for her inability to make it better. To make herself better, or to make them better, she wasn't sure. Maybe both.

* * *

She opened her eyes again, and actually considered keeping them open that time. Alice must've opened the curtains to try to encourage her to get out of bed. It just proved to be careful what you wish for. Alice had told her she had to sleep, so that was what she'd been doing. She couldn't be sure how much time had passed, but probably not more than a week.

She rolled over in bed to face the rocking chair in the corner to see who her babysitter was, but the seat was surprisingly vacant. That fact alone was enough to make her sit up. No one was there?

She slid her legs over the side of the bed and took a deep breath. Getting out of bed had become an insurmountable task.

She'd finally decided that _doing_ something would be better than laying there. It had to be easier to avoid thinking while she was occupied. She was desperate for anything that would be easier, and took solace in the knowledge that at least nothing could possibly be any harder.

She made it almost all the way down the stairs before she was overwhelmed by the now-familiar pain and panic. These episodes came and went, and she'd learned that all she had to do is survive them. She sat down on the last step and hugged her torso while trying to take deep, steady breaths. The key was to stay together, in one piece. So far, she'd managed.

Once she'd recovered, she continued to her destination, making her way into the kitchen. Charlie's yellow walls presented a bombardment of memories, but thankfully these memories weren't as painful as the ones that lay in her own kitchen. She shuddered involuntarily and slammed the mental door closed. She wouldn't deal with that yet.

She poured herself a bowl of cereal and then sat at the kitchen table and played with her food. She poked the cereal bits around the bowl of milk until all of the rice krispies were snapping, crackling, and popping. As she was lifting the first bite to her mouth, she heard the front door open. She braced herself as she turned in her chair, beginning to panic; she didn't think she could handle any more pity right now. But the face that greeted her was not one that she'd expected.

Edward nearly stumbled when he saw her in the kitchen, but being him, he was able to recover quickly. Slowly, as if he were afraid she'd spook, he walked over and took a seat across from her at the kitchen table.

She didn't know what to say, and she wasn't entirely sure she was even capable of conversation. They held each other's gaze for what could have been several minutes. He was first to break eye contact. He rested his chin on his hand as his eyes flicked down to her bowl of cereal, then back to her face. She took the cue and returned her attention to the food.

When she'd finished her cereal, thankful for the continued silence, she rinsed out the bowl and placed it in the otherwise empty sink. Someone had been doing dishes, and she was sure it wasn't Charlie. She turned back to the kitchen table, but then changed her mind and returned to the sink to wash the bowl and spoon. She dried them and placed them back in their cupboard and drawer, respectively.

After that she couldn't think of anything else to do, so she sat back down and studied the pattern of the grain on the wooden table.

Edward cleared his throat. "It's good to see you -".

The inflection at the end of his sentence made it sound like he was going to say more, but changed his mind. Bella just nodded.

The silence grew thicker the longer they sat. She could almost taste it on her tongue, and just when she thought the silence would strangle her, Edward spoke again softly.

"Please give me something here," he pleaded. "Are you okay?"

She dared herself to meet his eyes, but then quickly looked away, overwhelmed by what she saw there. She opened her mouth to try to answer, but only a croak came out. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I'm trying to be."

Her voice sounded strange in her own ears, and it must've sounded odd to Edward, too, based on the look he was giving her. She was tired of seeing that look.

"It's been…" She trailed off, hoping that Edward would take the hint.

"Nine and a half days," he supplied.

"That's longer than I thought." It had felt like a lifetime, but she'd known that wasn't possible, so apparently her mind had undercompensated.

"You had us worried there for awhile."

She broke his gaze and dropped her eyes to the table.

"Is there anything –"

"Don't." She shook her head, cutting him off in mid-sentence. She didn't want to hear him offer any kind of help, because she knew that there wasn't anything that anyone could do. She didn't need any more pity.

She decided then and there that she needed some semblance of normalcy. She needed to know that life had been moving on without her, and that she would need to catch up. She couldn't stay still any longer.

She pushed her chair back from the table and stood abruptly before realizing that she didn't know where she was going. She just needed to start moving. She walked into the living room and awkwardly paced back and forth between the chair and the couch a few times before taking a seat. There was nowhere to go. Edward had followed her, and he took a seat on the opposite end of the couch.

"So what have I missed?" she questioned. "What's been going on?"

He continued to give her an odd look.

"Please, I need to know," she begged.

Something in her tone may have cued him to the fact that this was important to her current mental health, and she saw him struggling to come up with something. "Well, the Seahawks won their last game."

She raised her eyebrows, and he sighed. "I don't really know, Bella, I haven't been around much. I'm sorry, I had to work."

If he wasn't going to be any help, she'd have to figure something else out. She started to stand, but Edward grabbed her wrist and kept her seated on the couch. "Hold on, wait. I can at least tell you what I've heard from Alice's updates."

He proceeded to give her a rundown of the past nine and a half days of her life. The dark days. Listening to it was an entirely different experience from living it. She learned that it was in the first three days that Charlie and Alice had been so worried that they'd considered taking her to the hospital.

"It was really close." He dragged his fingers through his hair. "I've never seen you like that. I don't ever want to see that again."

She didn't want to point out that she'd only come close to this kind of feeling once before. He was slumped in his seat and pinching the bridge of his nose. She hated that she was causing other people pain. She should be able to control her anguish without spilling it into other people's lives.

She offered a distraction. "So you were here? I thought you said you were working."

He met her eyes with an expression she couldn't identify. Guilt? And something else. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.

Alice and Rosalie walked in together, and it wasn't until that moment that Bella realized she really wanted them with her. She stood and walked to them. Rosalie was the first to break the stillness by wrapping her in a fierce hug, but seconds later they were joined by Alice. For the first time in two weeks, she began to wrap her mind around the concept of moving on with her life.


	6. That's Where Hope Lies - Aug 2004

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All recognizable Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer.

 **A/N:** Now let's take a trip back in time. To a happier place. Next chapter will be up in a week!

 **Listen to:** _Her Eyes_ by Pat Monahan

 **Chapter 6 - That's Where Hope Lies**

Edward Cullen

August 23, 2004

"This had better be the last of it!" Edward dropped another heavy box amid its many friends which were occupying the limited floor space.

"That's the last one for now," Alice promised. "I couldn't fit the rest of my boxes on the truck, so we'll just bring them up later."

"We?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow at his sister, whose role in the moving process had been what she called 'supervisory'.

Bella walked into the common room, catching the last of their conversation, and smiled at him apologetically. "Have we mentioned how grateful we are for your help?"

He couldn't help but return her smile as he collapsed onto the couch and surveyed the mess that was their new dorm room. "So what now?"

"Now we unpack and organize!" Alice exclaimed, still jumping around with a freakish amount of energy. She was flitting from box to box and ripping into each one. She was enacting some strange ritual in which she pulled out one item from a box, set it on the floor, and then moved onto another box. Edward watched in bemused fascination.

"What exactly are you accomplishing right now, Alice?" Bella asked, shaking her head. "All our stuff is just going to be on the floor in no particular order."

His sister gave an exaggerated sigh of exasperation, shaking her head. "Don't worry, just leave everything to me. Trust me. Why don't you and Edward go out for awhile, and bring back some dinner?"

"Are you sure you don't want any help?" Bella asked, looking around at the chaos surrounding them.

"Don't question it," Edward urged her in a stage whisper. He was already up on his feet, reaching for Bella's hand. "Just back away slowly, don't make eye contact, and we can make a break for it."

"I have it all under control," Alice promised, rolling her eyes at her brother. "Now shoo, shoo! I don't want to see either of you back here for at least three hours."

He laughed and grabbed his keys from the top of one of the boxes while Bella still hovered around his sister. "You heard the little despot," he called. "Let's go."

The girls were rooming on the third floor of their twelve-story dorm, so they'd been taking the stairs all day in order to leave the elevator free for people who actually needed it. Edward kept his hand in contact with Bella as he maneuvered them through the crowds of new students and out into the streets of Seattle. Monday was their first day of classes at the University of Washington, and today was the official freshmen move-in day. He'd already moved into his own dorm, since he'd been taking summer classes, and unfortunately that meant he'd had no viable excuse when Alice requested that he assist them with his moving expertise. Not that he would have been able to say no to Bella once she'd asked.

"So what do you think?" he asked. He fell into step beside his girlfriend once they'd made it through the swarm of students and parents milling around the dorm. "Coffee?"

Bella's eyes lit up. "Yes, definitely. Coffee is a must at this point."

"Nothing like a long afternoon of manual labor to work up a taste for a refreshing caffeinated beverage, hm?"

She laughed. "I can't believe you let Alice talk you into a 6 AM start time. I was counting on you to push back on that, so that _I_ could sleep in."

"Believe me, I tried," he assured her. "I'm not a miracle worker. There was no talking her out of that once she had her mind made up."

"I guess it worked out well enough," Bella conceded, glancing back over her shoulder at the crowd they were leaving behind at the dorms. There hadn't been nearly as many people when they'd started hours ago.

"It pains me to admit it, but this was one of Alice's better ideas," he admitted. "Although next time, I may decide to just hire you some movers." He put his hand to his back and gave an exaggerated wince.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Bella demanded, her brow wrinkled in concern.

He waved her off. "No, I'm fine, I'll just be feeling that tomorrow for sure. Did you have to bring _all_ your books?" he teased.

"You should have said something!" she admonished, still concerned. "We could have used the elevator for the heavier boxes, or I could've-"

He cut her off, smiling at her concern. "I was just giving you a hard time. I'll live, I promise."

"Okay, if you're sure you're okay." She gave him a rueful smile, and they continued their stroll hand-in-hand to the closest Starbucks. She he was pensive for a moment before she spoke again. "It was really only the most important ones."

"What?"

"The books," she reminded him. "I donated a bunch before the move, and the ones I brought with me are only the ones that I absolutely need."

He raised an eyebrow, knowing for a fact that he had lugged no fewer than six full boxes of books up the three flights of stairs. "Whatever you say."

The Starbucks closest to campus was unsurprisingly also packed with new students and parents, so Bella went to scope out a table while Edward waited in line to order. The blonde girl at the register looked like she'd rather be anywhere else, but when he stepped up to the counter, she perked up considerably.

"Hi there! How are you doing today?" She smiled, and flipped her hair over her shoulder. She leaned forward slightly over the counter and looked at him intently, as if his answer was of the utmost importance.

"I'm fine, thanks, and you?" He tried to be polite while not giving her the wrong impression. Unfortunately, his efforts were futile.

"My day sure seems to be looking up!" the girl replied, grinning coyly. "What can I do for you?" Her voice took on a seductive tone at her question, and he barely suppressed a cringe.

"One venti iced coffee," he requested, then took a deep breath to launch into Bella's drink order. "And one venti, iced, nonfat, upside-down, no ice Caramel Macchiato."

"Absolutely," she replied, quickly jotting their orders onto the cups. "Is there anything _else_ I can do for you?"

He shook his head and paid their tab, telling her to keep the change so that he could make his escape as quickly as possible. He headed over to the other side of the bar to wait for their drinks, but watched apprehensively as the blonde girl waved over one of her coworkers, whispered to her, giggled, and then switched positions so that she was now the barista. When she finished their drinks, she set them on the counter but didn't relinquish them.

"I haven't seen you around before. Are you a new student?" she asked him.

He nodded shortly, remaining as disengaged in the conversation as he could. He tried to reach for the drinks, but short of yanking them out of her hands, there wasn't much he could do.

"Me too!" she exclaimed. "Maybe we'll see each other in class sometime! Hey, let me get your phone number, and we can go out to eat or something tonight before classes start."

He was trying to think of the most courteous way to get out of this conversation when he felt an arm slide around his waist and suddenly Bella was rescuing him from social hell.

"There you are. What's taking so long?" Bella looked over and smiled at the blonde girl. "Are those our drinks?"

The barista looked mildly upset, but she pushed their drinks toward them before returning to her work with a huff. Bella started chuckling as the turned away from the counter.

"Thanks," he mumbled. "Nice save."

"What am I going to do with you?" She shook her head at him in mock concern. "I can't take you anywhere."

"Hey, it's not all me," he reminded her. "Remember when Mike decided to register for all the same classes as you? Who helped you rearrange your schedule to avoid your would-be study buddy?"

She blushed. "Yeah, yeah. So guess who I ran just ran into?"

"Who?"

"Angela and Ben! They're saving us a table in the corner."

"Hey guys," he greeted as they took their seats across from their friends. "How has moving day been treating you?"

Ben just groaned and laid his head on the table, and Angela laughed.

"As well as can be expected," she replied good-naturedly. "How has it been going for you guys? I remember Alice bragging that you were going to get an early start. Are you unpacked yet?"

"We're done bringing all our stuff in," Bella began.

"Only _some_ of the stuff, apparently," Edward corrected. "I don't know how there could possibly be more, but Alice says we'll get it later."

"Alice is there now, unpacking and 'organizing', supposedly. We were banished."

"Lucky!" Ben cried. "I wish my roommate would pitch in. He got the TV set up and his Xbox plugged in, and he's just been playing Halo ever since, surrounded by boxes."

They hadn't seen each other much over the summer, so they exchanged stories while sipping their drinks, and it wasn't long before the sun had set.

"We'd better get going," Angela said reluctantly. "I've still got a lot of work ahead of me. Why don't we get together tomorrow, though?"

Edward looked to Bella, who shrugged. "Sure," he nodded. "Anything in particular on the agenda?"

"Will you think I'm totally lame and disown me if I say I'd love to just be a tourist and explore?" Angela asked with a self-conscious smile.

"That sounds great, actually," Bella remarked. "I know we've only lived a couple of hours away, but I'm really not very familiar with the city."

Edward settled his arm along the back of Bella's chair, twisting a strand of her hair in his fingers. "That settles it, then. We'll be tourists. Pike's Place Market, the Fremont troll, Gas Works Park, the whole nine yards."

"There's also supposed to be this amazing bookstore somewhere around here," Angela offered. "It's a little hole-in-the-wall place. I'd like to look for it."

"That sounds great!" Bella agreed vehemently. "I've been meaning to look for a new copy of _Wuthering Heights_ , and I've heard really good things about this new author, so I'll want to keep an eye out for her, of course."

Once Bella got to talking about books, she could go on for hours, and Angela was an enabler. Edward supposed that he shouldn't expect much less from two literature majors. Ben, however, was skillfully able to divert the conversation by mentioning a Thai restaurant he'd like to try. Then they joked about creating a scavenger hunt for their tour of the city, with a prize for whomever could spot the most Starbucks locations.

They agreed on a meeting time for the next morning, and said their goodbyes. "See you tomorrow!" Angela turned and waved one last time on her way out the door.

Edward took Bella's empty cup and threw it in the recycling bin along with his own. "What sounds good for dinner?" he asked as they walked down the busy sidewalk.

She shrugged. "I'm not sure. You pick."

"How about tacos?" he offered. When Bella wrinkled her nose in response, he tried again. "Gyros?"

"I guess that sounds okay." She was less-than-enthusiastic, so he tried again.

"Pizza?" Her eyes lit up, and he knew he had a hit. "I found this great place a couple blocks down."

He slung his arm over her shoulders and led her to the pizzeria, where they waited in the line that was out the door. While they waited, they successfully surpassed the three-hour mark that Alice had dictated. Since Emmett had planned on stopping by when he was finished moving into his new place, they thought it best to get three pizzas, and that way he could devour his usual amount and the girls could still have some leftovers. One pepperoni, one sausage and green peppers, and one everything pizza later, they were headed back up the stairs to the dorm.

When Edward opened the door, he had to do a double-take, afraid for a moment that he'd entered the wrong room. But no, the number on the door was correct. Bella moved past him as he held the door open, and then stopped in her tracks.

Alice came bounding into the common room when she heard them enter, clapping her hands together in excitement. "You're back! Well? What do you think?"

"Holy cow, Alice!" Bella cried. She was turning in a circle, appraising the room with wide eyes.

There were no boxes in sight, and if he hadn't known better, he'd have said that this room had been lived in for months. Everything was in its place, and the living room gave a cozy impression. Alice had even hung curtains on the window, tossed throw pillows and a blanket on the couch, hung picture frames, and laid out a rug. Everything was done.

"How on earth did you get this all done so quickly?" he asked.

"Oh, please," she scoffed, waving a hand in dismissal. "This is what I do."

"It's incredible," Bella praised, hugging her friend. "Thank you!"

"No problem! I told you to leave it all to me, didn't I?" She smirked none-too-humbly.

"You certainly did. And you did a great job," Bella impressed.

Alice was still grinning. "I know."

Emmett entered through the still-open doorway. "Damn, Alice, can you do this to my new place?"

"Absolutely!" she exclaimed. Edward could see by the gleam in her eye that she was thrilled at the prospect of getting her hands on Emmett's living quarters. Edward seen his brother's new house, and it would be a perfect blank slate for Alice's design ideas.

Emmett got distracted by the pizza boxes he was still holding. "Oh thank God! Food!"

He grabbed one of the boxes from the top of the stack and took it over to the coffee table to open it, then frowned at the offending contents. "Dammit," he grumbled. "Edward, please tell me you got something edible."

"Hello to you too," Edward laughed, handing him the pepperoni pizza. "How's it going over at your place?"

Emmett shrugged, taking a moment to chew an enormous bite of pizza before responding. "It's good. It'll be pretty nice not to have a roommate for the next year until you move in. I'll get the whole place to myself. Oh, and Dad said he'd help me paint it. Wanna lend a hand, since you'll be living there too? I'll let you pick out the color," he grinned.

Before he could even respond, Alice interrupted. "Painting party tomorrow!" she yelled. "Yes, yes, we'll all come over to help!"

"Actually, Edward and I already made plans tomorrow with Angela and Ben." Bella broke the news with an apologetic look.

"That just means more fun for us!" Alice cried, and returned Emmett's high-five.

"Sorry we won't be around to help out," Edward offered.

"No worries, bro," Emmett assured him. "We've got it covered."

Edward sat in one of the armchairs Alice had arranged around the coffee table, and Bella perched on the arm of his chair with her piece of pizza. She jumped nearly a foot in the air when Emmett exclaimed loudly. "Oh! You'll never guess what happened to me today."

He laughed quietly at Bella's reaction, then put his arm around her waist to steady her and as consolation when she glared at him. She turned politely to his brother. "What happened?"

"Okay, so I caught this crazy blonde chick totally checking me out while I was getting coffee," he began.

"Wait, was this at the Starbucks on The Ave?" Edward interrupted.

He paused his story and furrowed his brow. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

Bella burst into a fit of giggles while he explained. "I think that's the same girl who hit on _me_ today. She was a total creepy-stalker type. She wouldn't even give me my drinks until I gave her my phone number."

Emmett was put out at his story having been ruined."Well excuse me, Mr. Too-Cool-for-School, but I have a date with that 'creepy stalker' tomorrow night."

He snorted his disbelief. "Yeah, right. You do not."

Emmett whipped a Starbucks napkin with a phone number out of his pocket and brandished it with pride.

"I guess that's why she seemed to be in a rush to see me tonight," he mused. "Her dance card was full for tomorrow."

Bella giggled again, and hid her face in his shoulder while Emmett gave her a droll look.

"Good luck with that chick," Edward continued. "She seemed a little desperate."

He shrugged. "Whatever dude, you're just jealous that I got to her first."

Edward raised an eyebrow, glancing down at Bella in shared amusement. "Yes, that must be it."

"Anyway," Alice stressed, rolling her eyes. "Let's focus on more important topics. Such as, what on earth are we going to do tonight?"

"I'm pretty tired," Bella said. "I could get onboard with making it an early night. Maybe we could rent a movie?"

Alice looked at her like she'd just sprouted another head. "You've got to be kidding."

Having finished his pizza, Edward reached up to pull Bella into his lap, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Nice try. You know she'd never let that slide."

"It's Bella's and my first night at college! This is a night to remember! Not a lame old movie night." Alice's disgust with the idea was evident in the way she enunciated 'movie night', as if the very concept offended her.

Emmett reached into his back pocket and pulled out a wad of colorful papers.

"How many girls' phone numbers do you really need, Emmett?" Bella asked incredulously.

"Well you can never have too many," he replied with a wink. "But these aren't numbers, these are all the party flyers that I accumulated during my walk over here."

Alice leaned over and grabbed a flyer from the stack. "Let's go to this one, it's pink!"

She hopped up from her spot on the couch and ran over, pulling Bella up by her wrist. "Come on, we have to hurry! It started at 9, which means we have to be there by 10:30 to be fashionably late, and that means we need to start getting ready!"

Bella gave him a forlorn look as she was pulled into Alice's bedroom.

"Do we even know who's throwing this 'pink' party?" he asked curiously.

Emmett studied the flyer. "Oh sure, I know John. We had a class together last semester."

"What major were you last semester?" Edward teased. "Was that during your English phase?"

"Was it English? Or was it Marketing? Or Anthropology?" He shook his head, apparently giving up. "I don't remember. But I know we were in a psych class together. John is good people."

He and Emmett clicked on the TV and found a football game to occupy themselves with while the girls prepared. He looked up when they finally reemerged, and Bella shook her head and rolled her eyes. She'd begun to accept Alice's makeovers as a part of life, and had discovered that it was much easier to go along with it than to fight it. In the beginning, he'd spoken with Alice about her little makeovers and the fact that Bella hated them, but he'd had to agree with his sister that Bella's self-confidence could use a boost every now and then.

He walked to her and wrapped his arms around her, whispering his compliments in her ear. "You're gorgeous, as always." He kissed her temple, looking down to see the blush he knew he would elicit. "Are we ready?" he asked, raising his voice to the group.

"Let's go!" Alice raised her arm and pointed ahead as if she were leading an attack. Alice had commanded, and so shall it be. They followed her to the door.

It turned out that John's house was only a few blocks away from the girls' dorm. The sidewalks were crawling with students, and quite a hefty chunk of them were heading in the same direction they were. Apparently John's marketing efforts with the pink flyer had paid off for him.

The party was typical, nothing too exciting. The yard was crowded with students sipping from plastic cups, and the house was packed. Edward was quickly reminded of why he usually tried to avoid house parties. As soon as they were through the door, Emmett disappeared into the throngs of people and Alice bounced away. As he and Bella made their way through the living room, a drunken someone knocked into Bella, who stumbled back into Edward. He glared daggers at the idiot and wrapped his arm protectively around Bella to hold her closer.

He caught a glimpse of a keg across the kitchen, but it would be difficult to squeeze through the crowd together. He yelled into Bella's ear so she could hear him. "I'll go get us drinks!" She nodded and pulled away to grab a spot in an armchair that had just opened up.

He knew better than to ask if Bella wanted a beer, since he knew she hated the taste. He successfully fought his way through the crowd into the kitchen, where he happily stumbled upon a cooler. He grabbed a bottle of water for Bella and a beer for himself.

Alice was back and was chatting excitedly with Bella as he approached. He handed her the bottle of water and leaned his hip against the arm of her chair.

"I love this song!" Alice was squealing. "Let's go dance!" She tried to pull Bella up by her arm.

Bella shot him a desperate glance as she was hauled away by his sister, but he just smiled and waved. If looks could kill, he'd be cold as ice and six feet under, but he thought it would be good for Bella to get out there and have some fun. At first he hung back and watched the two girls, but before long they were joined by Emmett, who gave him a look that clearly said 'What the hell, loser?' and waved him over.

Bella tried to be mad and ignore him as punishment for leaving her in Alice's clutches. As they danced, however, she warmed up and before long she was laughing and having fun. Alice gave him a smug told-you-so smile.

They were out of breath and slightly sweaty by the time they made it out of the group of dancers several songs later. More bodies had managed to pack into the small house. It was warm, stuffy, and smelled of cheap beer and marijuana. He was over it.

He leaned down to speak against Bella's ear. "So, we came, we saw…"

She peered up at him, amused. "Indeed we did."

"Are you ready to get out of here?"

Her answer was a relieved smile and an enthusiastic nod. Edward couldn't see tiny Alice through the mass of bodies, but he got Emmett's attention and signaled that they were leaving. He nodded and waved before going right back to his dancing and flirting with a voluptuous redhead. He and Bella squeezed their way through the house to the door and spilled back into the night, where it had begun to rain.

He hugged Bella close to his side against the chill and misting rain as they headed back to the dorm. He felt her shiver, and rubbed his hand up and down her bare arm, cursing Alice for the decision to send Bella out in a sleeveless blouse with no jacket. They had to walk across Red Square to make it home, and the rain made the brick surface slick and treacherous, so he tightened his grip on her.

About halfway across the square, Bella's feet slipped out from under her, and his arm flexed, supporting her full weight before she hit the ground. Just when he thought they were okay, his own feet began to slide, and they both went down. He instinctively hauled Bella closer so that he broke the fall, landing hard on the ground with Bella on top of him with a big _oomph._

Bella tried to keep from laughing, but lost the battle. "Are you okay?" she managed between giggles.

He took in her eyes glittering down at him in a mixture of amusement and concern from a few inches away. Unable to help himself, he craned his neck up to cover the distance between them and plant a kiss. "I've been in worse positions," he assured her.

She climbed off of him and clambered to her feet, and he followed. They made it the rest of the way back to the dorm without further incident, and as he closed the door to her room behind them, they were still chuckling at a girl across the hall who was drunkenly trying to open the door to her room while her roommate laughed at her from the other side.

"Come on, let's get you out of those wet clothes," he insisted immediately.

She raised her eyebrow. "Is this really out of concern, or is this just you trying to get me naked?"

"Hmm." He tilted his head in an exaggerated act of considering. "I don't remember having ever really had to _try_ before," he mused teasingly.

She gaped at him in mock outrage, but couldn't keep up the act, and let a grin spread across her face. "Okay, fine, maybe you won't have to try very hard."

"Is that so?" He stalked toward her slowly, enjoying how cute she looked with her chin held high, pretending to ignore the effect he had on her. When he drew close, and then closer, she looked up at him, awaiting a kiss, but instead he bent down to grab her around her thighs and threw her over his shoulder, grinning at her shriek.

He balanced her carefully in his arms while he opened the door to her room. The girls' dorm was small, but the benefit was that they each had private bedrooms and a bathroom to share just between the two of them.

"Put me down!" Bella was demanding.

He complied, tossing her onto her bed before he pounced on her. She laughed hysterically while he tickled her sides, which he knew to be her weak spot. She fought back halfheartedly by shoving against his chest, giggling uncontrollably. When he stopped to give her a moment to breathe, she put her real plan into action - she kissed him. Effective technique.

He abandoned the tickling in favor of running his hands along her curves from her waist to the sides of her breasts. She tangled her fingers in his hair to pull him closer to her. He was blissfully happy with his current position, except for the fact that his hands didn't have enough room to roam between them. In an attempt to cure this predicament and continue his exploration of Bella's body, he made a move to flip them over so that she was on top. To his credit, this was a new bed, and they weren't yet used to the confines of a twin-sized mattress. His miscalculation of distance landed him on the floor with an ungraceful thump.

Bella threw herself halfway over the bed and stared down at him with wide eyes. Her concern lasted only seconds before her laughter won over. "Are you okay this time?"

"The only thing wounded is my pride," he answered dryly.

Once Bella had recovered from her hysterics, they got ready for bed. He wrapped his arms around her as she cuddled against his side and he could tell she was half asleep already. Moving was exhausting. After a few minutes, her breathing was steady. She sighed and mumbled "Love you, Edward", though he was pretty sure she was already asleep. He smiled and kissed her hair as he drifted off.


	7. The World Begins Again - Dec 2017

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All recognizable Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer.

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm going on vacation, so next chapter will likely be up a little later than my traditional 1 week schedule, but stay tuned.

 **Listen To:** _Better Days_ by Goo Goo Dolls _; Fix You_ by Coldplay

 **Chapter 7 - The Night The World Begins Again**

Bella Swan

December 24, 2017

She hadn't realized that her iPod playlist had ended until the sound of her cell phone startled her out of her thoughts. She jumped in her seat, and had to take a moment to make sure she was still on the road.

Her heart was pounding, and she answered before glancing at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hi honey. Are you there yet? You promised to call when you got there."

"I know, I'm still on my way. There was a lot of traffic on the 101." She realized a moment too late that being a police chief would probably give Charlie better-than-average knowledge of traffic conditions, and he would know that she was lying. She hated lying to Charlie, but the lie was better than telling him that she'd started to fall apart and had ended up parked in the back of a gas station for half an hour.

"Okay, well don't talk on the phone while you're driving. Call me when you get there. I love you, Bells."

"Love you too, Dad."

She hadn't even let go of the phone before it started ringing again, and she answered unceremoniously. "I thought I wasn't supposed to talk while I'm driving."

"Fine, I can just talk to you when you get here," Alice answered cheerily. "But when do you think that will be?"

"Sorry, I thought you were Charlie."

"I assumed you would beat us, but Jasper and I just got here. Are you still on your way?"

"I'll be there in about twenty minutes," she assured.

"Okay, we'll see you then. I want to hear all about your tour!"

"Can't wait." Bella winced as she said it, because she knew it had come out wrong, could hear the curtness in her own voice. She hadn't meant to sound snippy, but couldn't quite muster up anything else.

Alice either didn't notice or just didn't comment, but either way Bella was glad. "Esme says dinner will be done around 6. See you soon, love you!"

"Love you too, see you in a few."

She set her phone back on the seat beside her, then warily glanced back at it, wondering if it would ring again. But who else would call? Charlie was celebrating Christmas Eve on the reservation with the Clearwaters, and Alice was at Carlisle and Esme's house with the entire Cullen clan. That pretty much took care of everyone she knew.

She spotted the exit that would lead to the Cullen's house and pulled off the highway, readjusting her windshield wipers to account for the lower speed. Her mind slipped back into autopilot as she began to traverse the familiar route, and she turned her attention back to dreading the rest of the day.

The traditional Cullen Christmas Eve celebration would also be the first time in nearly a month that she would be seeing her friends. December 22nd had been the official last day of the press tour for her new cookbook that had hit the shelves right after Thanksgiving. She'd spent the last three weeks flying across the country to promote it, along with her two novels. She'd flown back into Washington and arrived home at 1 AM this morning.

Her publishers had been willing to cancel the tour, 'considering recent events'. But she'd talked to Rosalie, who was also her publicist, and convinced her that she needed the distraction. She'd spent too much time pitying herself in those first two weeks, and she was ready to move on. At least in theory. In reality, the tour had simply been a convenient distraction from what her life had become; a distraction that she'd desperately needed to help get her through the holiday season.

As it turned out, moving on with her life was proving harder than she'd imagined it could be. She was trying, she really was. But was it working? That was questionable.

No matter which city she was in, she couldn't escape what had happened. She knew that Jacob wouldn't be waiting for her when she got home. Sometimes it was all she could think about. It didn't help that the investigation into the shooting was still open. Detectives Gilroy and O'Conner - Good Cop and Indifferent Cop, respectively - had called her occasionally with questions and updates. Each call served as an unwelcome reminder to Bella that the police's working theory was still that someone had purposely gone to the garage with the intent of shooting Jacob. It was incomprehensible. Knowing that there must have been some mistake made it all the worse for Bella; knowing that Jacob died as a result of what must have been some kind of mistaken identity. There was no way, no reason, anyone would have wanted him dead.

Bella shook her head in an attempt to chase the thoughts away. Thinking about it only made it worse. If she wasn't careful, the hole inside her would open up again and try to consume her.

There wasn't a single doubt in her mind that this was already going to be a difficult evening. She and Jacob had spent almost every Christmas with the Cullens for the past 8 years, and she knew the memories would be tough. Probably almost as tough as walking back into her house in the early hours of the morning. She'd been staying with Charlie since the funeral, until she left for her press tour, and was grateful to have been able to avoid her own home. At 1 AM this morning, she'd walked back through the door, flicking on the lights one by one, and forced herself not to crumble when the memories hit her in the heart like a Mack truck. She'd left all of her bags in the car and had slept in the guest room, with help from one of her trusty Ambien.

The next morning, as she was struggling to lift her bags out of the truck - she'd picked up a few new books along the way, so sue her - a man stopped and offered to help. He'd been jogging by and witnessed her pathetic struggles, and spent twenty minutes of his day helping her move back in. His presence was the majority of the reason she had even been able to face the otherwise-empty house on Christmas Eve. She'd been able to force herself to hold it together in front of a stranger. As soon as they'd thrown all of her bags into the spare room, she'd locked the front door behind them, bid him goodbye, and hopped back in her car to put distance between herself and her home.

Dragged back to the present as she pulled into the Cullens' driveway, Bella tried to focus her energy on getting through Christmas. She would be surrounded by people she loved. She would just have to make sure she didn't focus on the one who was missing.

Before she could even get her car door open, Alice was running down the driveway toward her. She threw herself at Bella almost before she'd stepped foot on the ground, hugging her tightly in the middle of the driveway even though it was snowing. Alice was so excited that she was practically vibrating, and Bella couldn't help but smile.

"I'm so glad you're back!"

"It's great to see you, too, Alice, but can't we get inside first? It's freezing out here."

"Oh, I missed you so much! How are you doing? How was the book tour? You went to New York, didn't you? Did you shop?" She was pulling Bella toward the house as she was rattling off questions, not allowing time to answer.

"Wait, I have presents in the car," Bella protested.

"Don't worry about it, we'll send the boys out to get them." Alice continued to tug persistently on her arm. "Come on, we're getting wet!"

Bella rolled her eyes with an indulgent smile - that had been _her_ argument - but let Alice drag her inside.

"Bella!" Esme greeted her with a warm smile and welcoming embrace. "I'm so glad you're here."

The smells of the traditional Christmas Eve dinner wafted through the house, and Bella tried to let herself relax and bask in the familiarity.

"Dinner smells wonderful," she complimented as she pulled away from Esme only to be swept into another hug from Carlisle. "I brought some dessert, but everything's still out in the car." She gestured as if to make for the door, but Jasper and Emmett beat her to it.

"Don't worry about it, you just got here. We'll bring in your things."

"Sit down, Bella," Emmett encouraged on his way out the door. "Take a load off."

Carlisle helped her hang her coat in the closet before he was pulled away to help Esme in the kitchen. She had successfully removed one of her snow boots and was working on the other when Emily bounded towards her. "Bella, Bella!"

She had to quickly replace her foot on the floor so as to not be knocked over by the force of Emily's hug against her legs. Bella laughed and swept the girl into her arms to give her a proper hug. "Hello Miss Emily Emmett. Merry Christmas! Were you good this year?"

"Yep!" She nodded enthusiastically, her big blue eyes shining with excitement. Her eyes and smile were inherited from Emmett, as well as her curls, but she owed the brilliant blond color of her hair to her mother. Today her curls were pulled back with a red ribbon to complement her dress.

When Bella set her back on her feet, Emily pulled on her hand and led her over to the gigantic Christmas tree to show off all of her presents. The rest of the family bustled around them while they examined all of the brightly-wrapped packages and Emily pointed out each of the ones with her name on them. When that was finished, Bella showed her her own name on one of the tags, and she went in search of Bella's gifts, too. They shook some of them and Emily helped her guess what could be inside.

Carlisle had promised Emily that they could go outside and make snow angels in the half-inch of snow that had accumulated, so the two of them bundled up and trekked out into the cold. Bella sat on the big sectional sofa and, by request, regaled the rest of the group with stories of her press tour.

Emmett sat in a large, overstuffed armchair with his arms around Rosalie, who sat in his lap. His fingers trailed absentmindedly across her stomach and over her sides, occasionally playing with her hair, and every once in awhile she would glance across the room to the window, where Emily and Carlisle trampled through the snow. Rose had been kept apprised of Bella's tour, considering she was her publicist, but she listened along with the rest of them.

Jasper sat against the arm of the couch opposite Bella with his arm around Alice. Alice sat with one leg tucked underneath her tiny body and one knee pulled to her chest, listening intently to Bella's account of her trip. Of course they'd spoken over the phone, but she continued to eagerly ask questions, most of which centered around shopping and dining experiences. She excitedly asked about various stores and shops in different cities. Bella supposed she shouldn't have expected anything less from the woman whose livelihood was based on the creation of her own fashion label.

Esme hovered between the group and the kitchen, sometimes sitting in an empty chair and sometimes simply leaning on the back of the couch. Every few minutes a timer would beep or she'd think of something that needed doing, but would rejoin them when she finished. At one point the phone rang, and Esme rushed to answer it.

"That was Edward," she announced as she rejoined the group. "His shift ends at 4 today, so he says he should be here by 5:30 or so."

Once Bella's press tour stories had concluded, Esme went to the closet and brought out the box of well-worn board games that Bella had grown to view as a cornerstone of Christmas Eve. The board games were a tradition that began long before she became an adopted part of the family, as evidenced by the wear on some of the older ones. Each year a new game was added to the box.

The entire group gathered around the Cullens' large coffee table. They pushed the table closer to the couch so that those sitting there could reach the games, and scooted the armchairs close on the opposite side.

Bella sat in one of the armchairs playing Chutes and Ladders, which was one of the more well-loved games in the collection. Emmett had been about to win, until he unluckily landed on one of the longest chutes on the board. He moved his piece to the bottom and pretended to pout while Rosalie laughed at him. He couldn't maintain his mock sadness when she leaned into him and whispered in his ear; from the look he gave her, it was probably something scandalous.

Emmett's fall had opened the way for Bella to take the lead and win the game, and she sat back to watch the others continue. She was perfectly content among her family, and had a smile on her face as she basked in the love around her. The front door opened and she turned to look at it expectantly.

The smile left her face as her breath caught in her throat, and she felt as if her warm blood had turned to ice water in her veins. She wasn't sure her heart had stopped beating in that moment, or whether she just hadn't noticed it, but now it was pounding as if she'd just run a mile. Her breath left her in a soft gasp and she sat still, trying to compose herself before anyone noticed. Her eyes remained glued to the entry where Carlisle was grinning as he carried Emily through the doors and plopped her on her feet to help her dust off the snow.

Somehow, for some inexplicable reason, Bella had expected Jacob. It wasn't a conscious decision, but in that split-second she had turned and expected to see him stride through the door. She could picture the scene almost perfectly, now that she thought of it. She saw his wide smile and his laughing eyes as he shook the snow off of himself and shrugged out of his jacket. Then he would greet the room, and come to sit on the arm of the couch next to her. He would kiss her and congratulate her on winning the game before making a joke about it. She could hear his deep laughter, and it was perfect.

Her arms crossed over her abdomen and her fingers clutched at her sides in her effort to hold herself together.

Emily and Carlisle came over to join in the play as a new game was chosen, and Bella took the distraction as an opportunity to quietly leave her seat and slip away. She left the sounds of laughter and family behind as she climbed the stairs, seeking a place where she could quietly recover. She had built a fortress inside her mind to keep the memories at bay, but the walls had just been breached and now there was no stopping them. She and Jacob had sat in that same living room and played those same games.

"Yes, I'll get it. I'll be right back." She heard Carlisle's voice echoing up the stairs. His footsteps climbed the staircase and Bella quickly slipped into the nearest room, not wanting to be noticed.

She inhaled deeply and let out her breath in a sigh, leaning against the back of Edward's bedroom door. The room looked the same as it always had. She found it comforting that after more than 10 years, nothing in this room had changed.

Her fingers ran lightly over the spines of Edward's books as she fought to continue taking even breaths. Her exhales were becoming increasingly shaky as her body succumbed to the sobs that she'd been managing to hold at bay. Perusing titles of books they'd read in high school, she tried to force her mind into becoming distracted, but none of the usual tactics were working.

Sinking to the floor, she leaned her back against Edward's bed and lowered her head to rest on her knees. What was wrong with her?

She'd been trying so hard to keep herself together, and she'd thought she was getting better. She really had. But this evening all her hopes had been smothered. She'd let her guard down, and the pain had gotten through. Would she ever be able to relax again, without being stricken with these moments of forgetfulness?

Because as it turned out, remembering wasn't the real problem. Forgetting was. Memories of hers and Jacob's life together didn't cut nearly as deep as the moments when she actually forgot that he was gone. Jacob walking through the door hadn't been a memory, it was a glimpse of what could have been.

Bella cringed when she heard the door open across the room. She turned her head away and swiped quickly at her face to clear away the tears, automatically bracing herself for an act, playing the same part she'd been working on for the past 4 months. Whether she was trying to fool her family or herself, she wasn't sure, but regardless, she'd been doing her best to perfect the act.

She didn't turn to see who had entered, but heard them hesitate, and then close the door softly behind them. Her eyes were closed to prevent more tears from escaping, and she felt the intruder sit down beside her. Then she didn't have to look to know who it was. Warmth radiated from his body, and she felt the same kind of electrical current between them that had been there since the day they'd met, never wavering. She turned her head and opened her eyes to meet Edward's, which were filled with concern.

"What happened?" he asked.

The lump in her throat grew bigger, and she could only shrug her shoulders in answer as more unbidden tears trailed their way down her cheeks. What could she say? That she'd been happy, and momentarily forgot that she had a dead husband?

He reached a hand toward her face, but she drew away, not wanting his touch and everything that would inevitably come with it. She didn't want his comfort, not now. She watched his gaze move from hers to his hand that was now suspended in the air between them, seeming surprised at his own actions. She turned her face away and swiped impatiently at her tears, willing them to stop.

Edward's hand fell back to his knee, and to his credit, he didn't ask her what was wrong. She hated that question. What _wasn't_ wrong? He waited patiently, allowing the silence to stretch between them. She listened to his steady breathing, using it to anchor her, and eventually got hers under control, too.

She swiped her fingers under her eyes one last time, wiping away what she was determined would be the last remnants of her tears. She pushed all the memories and all of her self-pitying thoughts into a corner of her mind and closed the door on them. She was disappointed in herself for falling apart again, making it twice in one day.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling inexplicably embarrassed.

"You don't have to be sorry." His low voice was a rumble. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, and swallowed hard. "Did anyone downstairs say anything?"

She didn't have to expand on her question, knowing that he would understand what she was asking.

"I ran into Alice on the stairs," he said. "I told her I was sure you were just tired from your late flight."

Her eyes darted to him and quickly away. How had he known about her flight schedule? She decided to ignore that. "How many more seconds do you think I have before she busts down the door?"

A smile played on his lips. "I think you're safe for a few more minutes. Emily distracted her."

Bella look another deep breath and let it out slowly. "I guess I'd better get back down there."

"Mom said dinner was almost finished. Are you ready?"

"I guess I'll have to be. I'll try."

He nodded. "I've seen you trying."

She winced. "Is it that obvious?"

He gave her a pointed look. "You're not that good an actress. You always did suck at lying."

"Well what do you want me to do?" she demanded, annoyance rising up in her gut.

He studied her for a long moment, his eyes searching hers, before he tore his gaze away. She watched his hands clench where they rested against his knees. "I don't know," he finally said. "It's like you're broken. I wish I knew how to fix it."

"That makes two of us," she admitted softly. "But it's not your job to fix me. I'll figure it out, just give me time."

He turned his green eyes to her again. "Promise?"

" _I'm_ not a quitter," she reminded him sharply.

A muscle in his jaw jerked, and she saw emotion flash in his eyes. He gave her a nod, then stood and reached down a hand to help her up, pulling her to her feet. But then his eyes narrowed at her, and he brought both hands to her shoulders, holding her out from him. His brow was furrowed as his gaze raked over her.

"Jesus," he swore. "You're skeletal. Haven't you been eating?"

She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "I've been busy."

"Not too busy to eat!" he snapped. "If I don't see you eat enough at dinner, I'm going to force feed you four helpings of Mom's stuffing."

She sighed and pulled herself out of his grasp, crossing her arms over her chest. "I wish you and everyone else would just quit worrying about me."

"That's not possible," he told her with finality.

She felt a stirring of anger, and couldn't decide whether she should stamp it down or wrap it around her like a cloak to keep her other emotions at bay. "I just need everyone to quit walking on eggshells around me!"

He raised his brow at her. "I'm sure they will when they stop thinking you need it."

"I'm talking about you, too, you know!" she cried. "It's not your job to fix me, or feed me, or worry about me. My wellbeing is not your concern."

He gave a humorless laugh, shaking his head, and then to a duffel bag he'd placed on the bed and began yanking clothes out of it. He spoke with his back to her. "Your wellbeing will always be my concern."

She watched his back as he pulled his shirt over his head, then turned on her heel and retreated to the bathroom to hide while he changed out of his hospital scrubs. She rinsed her face and tried to blink away the redness from her eyes. She listened carefully for the shuffling sounds on the other side of the door to quiet, and then waited a few more minutes for good measure, making sure he was gone before she emerged.

Only then did she head downstairs to rejoin the family and take a seat around the dinner table. Alice shot her a knowing and concerned look, but other than that, her disappearance unnoticed, or at least tactfully ignored.

She pasted what she hoped would pass as a smile on her face and picked at what was on her plate without really tasting it. Listening to the friendly banter around her, she thought about what Edward had said, and he was right. She wasn't fooling anyone, and she couldn't act her way through the rest of her life. Something had to change.

Bella helped Alice and Emmett clear the dishes, get dessert out of the fridge, and pour some wine. Emily was asleep upstairs, and the rest of the Cullens chatted easily at the table as they passed out clean plates.

Emmett dramatically cleared his throat once all of them were reseated around the table. He reached across the table for his wife's hand and grinned at her. "Rose and I have something to share."

"I'm pregnant," announced a beaming Rosalie.

Bella gasped, and the smile that overtook her face wasn't at all part of an act. "Oh, Rose, congratulations!" she exclaimed, amidst many other cries of joy and surprise.

"The baby's due at the end of June," Rose answered among the many questions.

Emmett was grinning from ear to ear, and stood up to receive a hug and a slap on the back from Jasper, then turned to his parents. Esme's eyes glistened.

Bella stood and walked around the table to join Alice and Rosalie in their hug. She lost her vow not to cry again that night, but this time, she was far from the only one with tears in her eyes.


	8. The Moments I'd Kindly Undo - March 2006

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All recognizable Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer.

 **A/N:** Thanks for bearing with me during my vacation-induced-writing/posting-break. Now, how about a trip back to 2006?

 **Listen To:** _Final Answer_ by The Calling

 **Chapter 8 - All The Moments I'd Kindly Undo**

Edward Cullen

March 19, 2006

 _Shit!_

The last time he'd glanced at the clock it read 3:25, but somehow it had since become 6:49 and he was supposed to meet Bella at 6:30. Who knew that organic chemistry could be so absorbing? He sighed his exasperation at the textbook in front of him, glaring at the compounds on the page.

He hated to leave a mess for the library staff, but there was no time to reshelve the books he'd been using. He did, however, take the time to snatch up the remnants of his lunch - a now-empty pretzel bag and two empty plastic water bottles - and run them to the trashcan nearby.

After hastily shoving his textbooks and laptop into his messenger bag and nearly wiping out a guy as he rushed down the stairs, Edward pulled his phone out of his pocket to tell Bella he was going to be late. It wasn't until then that he saw he had two missed calls from Bella, a voicemail, and two text messages.

 _Double shit_!

He checked his voicemail on the way to the car and his woes increased. He broke into a jog, hoping to somehow defy the laws of physics and make it to her on time.

Her voice sounded distressed through the speaker of his phone. "Hey, it's me. I'm at a client's event in Maple Leaf, and my truck won't start. I'm sorry, I know you're studying, but I was going to see if you could come pick me up. Angela already left, and Alice has late classes today. So, I guess just give me a call when you get this message. Love you, bye."

 _Triple shit_. _This is now a triple-shit situation. Prepare to move to Defcon Level 1._

Adrenaline was pumping into his veins now, and he squeezed past a gaggle of students in front of him who were strolling far too slowly through the parking lot. He jogged to his car and swung into the driver's seat, barely suppressing a growl as he realized he now had to wait for the gaggle to cross behind his vehicle before he could peel out.

He didn't even remember feeling his phone vibrate. He checked the ringer and saw belatedly that it had been on silent. There was another call from Bella about twenty minutes after the first, but no message. He whipped out of the parking lot and nearly hit a pedestrian since he was reading a text while driving.

 _ **From: Bella**_

 _ **5:12 pm**_

 _ **Hey, I called a tow truck from Roadrunner. Maybe you could pick me up there?**_

 _ **From: Bella**_

 _ **5:47 pm**_

 _ **I got a ride, so ignore my messages, I'll just meet you at home at 6:30 as planned. See you then!**_

The clock on the dashboard was mocking him, boasting of the time being 7:02. He dialed Bella's cell and listened impatiently to several rings drone on before her voicemail kicked in. He hung up without leaving a message, but redialed her immediately.

When she still didn't answer the second time, the panic really started setting in. Had she made it home, or was she still sitting outside that client's house? Should he be headed to Maple Leaf instead? It was in the opposite direction. He glanced uncertainly in the rearview mirror, as if he would be able to see Bella back there.

He wracked his brain, wondering whether he'd heard of Roadrunner before. It sounded familiar, though he couldn't put his finger on why. He thought of Bella riding alone in the cab of a tow truck, with a complete stranger. If the truck had even made it to her, and had indeed picked her up. He glanced again in the rearview mirror.

What if she was still stranded? It would be dark soon. He desperately dialed her cell one more time, listening to the rings as his foot punched down harder on the gas pedal. He watched the speedometer climb as he listened to Bella's voicemail kick in for the third time. This time, he chose to leave a message.

"It's me. I'm so sorry, I didn't get your messages until late. Now I don't know if you're home, or still stuck - call me back as soon as you get this. I'll come get you, wherever you are, I just need to know you're safe. Call me."

He tossed his phone on the passenger seat and used both hands to turn the wheel so he wouldn't have to slow down quite so much to take the corner. He realized as he heard his tires squealing that he'd never put on any music. He was listening to the sound of his own heart pounding and his subconscious cussing him out for missing her calls, while he wondered whether Bella was alright.

He pulled up to the curb in front of Bella's house at 7:13. Not bad, all things considered, but certainly not good either. He bounded up the porch steps and threw the door open, not bothering to knock.

"Bella?" he called on his way through the door. Anyone who cared to listen would hear the panic in his voice.

"Hey, I'm upstairs!"

He paused with his hand on the bannister, nearly sagging in relief when he heard her. He took a moment for a couple of deep, calming breaths.

 _Thank God. She was here, and she sounded safe._

He climbed the stairs for her room and found her sitting at her desk with her planner open in front of her. She stuck with her old-school paper planner, even though her catering business had certainly taken off and was keeping her on her toes. He'd offered to get her a Blackberry, but she'd refused, insisting that she preferred the pen-and-sticky-note system.

"Are you okay?" he demanded, looking her up and down for any apparent signs of damage.

She blinked up at him in surprise. "I'm fine."

He reached out to her anyway, pulling her to her feet and holding her out in front of him, running his hands along her arms and down her back, checking that she was indeed unscathed. He needed assurances, and only the feel of her warm skin under his hands was enough to appease him.

He heaved another sigh of relief. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't get your messages until a few minutes ago. I was in the library, and my phone was on silent instead of vibrate, and I didn't know you'd called. I panicked when I got your messages, and I tried to call you back, but you didn't answer, and I wasn't sure -"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down!" She smiled and reached down to grasp his hands, running her fingers soothingly over the backs of his knuckles. "I'm fine, and it's okay."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"No harm done, I promise." She pulled her hands away and grimaced. "I don't know if I can say the same about my truck, though. Jacob said they should know by tomorrow what the prognosis will be."

"I don't care about the truck, I only care about you. That truck is ancient and I've been wanting you to get something more stable for years. But how did you get home?" Once assured that Bella was in one piece, his thoughts slowed down and he started to process. "Wait, did you say Jacob? What does he have to do with anything?"

"Knowing a mechanic does come in handy in situations like these," she reminded him teasingly. "He's the one who took me home."

 _That's why Roadrunner sounds familiar_. _She's mentioned it before, when talking about him_.

"I guess we should both be thankful for Jacob," he allowed begrudgingly.

 _See what happens, dickwad? Miss your girlfriend's calls, and some other guy is there waiting in the wings, ready to scoop her up._

She nodded. "Jake had his boss send out a tow truck, and he came on his bike to take me straight home. They'll take care of the truck, he said."

"So you didn't go with the truck?" he asked. Slowly but surely, his brain was catching up after the past 15 harried minutes.

"I was trying to rush home to not be late for meeting you." She raised her eyebrow teasingly. "If I'd known I'd have an extra 45 minutes, I could've gone to the garage with them."

Edward's didn't quite process that last bit, because his brain was short-circuiting again, looping back to what she'd just said. Surely he had misheard her. "Did you say _bike_?"

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Jake came on his _bike_ to take you straight home?" he repeated, with great emphasis on the bit that he found most confounding.

"Well, yeah. He drives a motorcycle now. I told you that story, remember?"

 _She wouldn't have._

 _Would she?_

 _She couldn't have._

"What story?" he managed to choke out. He didn't remember a story, though he also may not have remembered his middle name at that moment if asked, suspended as he was in a state of hopeful disbelief. Surely he had misunderstood. Maybe a story would distract him and he could pull himself together.

"Well, his car got kind of… crunched." Bella shifted uncomfortably. "Remember? About six months ago, he'd been trying to come home during an ice storm and he went off the road?"

Nope, storytime definitely was not distracting him in the right way.

"So let me get this straight." He cleared his throat after his first words came out croaky. "This kid crashed his car six months ago, drives a motorcycle now, which clearly he can't have had much practice with, and yet you let him drive you home?"

Bella waved her hand dismissively. "The crash wasn't his fault. It was an ice storm, and he crashed into a ditch. He managed to avoid hitting anyone else. The police at the scene, and even my dad, said that there was nothing else he could've done."

Edward realized that his hands were clenched at his sides. He unclenched and flexed his fingers, then ran them through his hair, not knowing what else to do with his hands. He then rubbed them over his face, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, her eyes full of concern.

His eyes snapped to hers. "What's _wrong_?"

Her eyes widened and she leaned back away from him in surprise at his biting tone, but he couldn't contain himself any longer.

"Tell me you didn't, Bella! Tell me this is some kind of misunderstanding, or there's something to this story that I'm missing. Tell me you didn't ride home on a fucking _motorcycle_ with Jacob-fucking-Black."

"It's not a big deal," Bella assured him, rolling her eyes.

All he could do for a moment was stand there and try to reattach his lower jaw and try to slow his pounding heartbeat, more adrenaline pumping into him as he thought about what could have happened. But Bella just laughed it off as if she didn't see anything wrong with the situation, flagrantly disregarding his fear for her safety.

"I can't believe you would do that!" he sputtered. The shock was wearing off and anger was setting in. "Do you even realize how dangerous those things are? I can't even tell you how many motorcycle accident cases I've read about. Countless patients have come in critically injured, and have _died_ , from motorcycle crashes!"

The look on her face told him that she clearly wasn't getting it. Her patient, placating smile made his blood boil. "I know that, but –"

"Do you?" he interrupted. "Do you really understand? You could have _died_."

"But I didn't," she insisted, reaching for his hand.

"Not this time," he scoffed. "I don't want you riding with Jacob ever again."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. And I can't believe I let you drive that truck for this long. That piece of scrap metal should've been replaced years ago."

"What do you mean, _let_ me drive it?" Bella was being as obstinate as ever, and he could see anger flare in her eyes. "It's my truck, you had no say in the matter. And you definitely don't have any say in whether I do or don't ride on Jacob's motorcycle!"

"I've told you a hundred times that I'd love to get you a new car," he told her. He decided not to even dignify the motorcycle comment with a response.

"And every single time, I've told you I don't want a new car. I like my truck, and I can take care of myself!"

"Well apparently that's arguable! Look at what's happened here. I just can't believe you would be so reckless. I mean, what about Jacob? How well do you even know this guy, and you let him drive you home?"

"I've known him for a year now! He's my friend, I trust him."

Edward sighed and turned around to try to calm himself, running his hands through his hair again and massaging his temples. "I wish you hadn't done this. You should've just waited for me to come get you."

Bella grabbed his arm and turned him around to face her, and now he could see the indignation and anger written all over her face. "I did wait for you! I waited for forty-five minutes before I called a tow truck. And _then_ I waited another half an hour for you to come pick me up before I left with Jacob. You never even called me back! How long was I supposed to wait?"

"I was at the library, and my phone was on silent!" he repeated. "I didn't get your messages, and as soon as I did I rushed over here!"

"Well, a lot of good that did! Too little, too late."

His chest tightened, knowing that she was right. He had been too late, and if anything had happened to her, he never could've forgiven himself. The longer he thought of everything that could have happened, the harder it became to breathe, so instead of dwelling further on that, he turned his eyes back to Bella, standing safely in front of him.

"I was studying," he repeated. "If I'm going to graduate on time, then-"

"Oh, I know!" she interrupted. "You need to work non-stop now so that you can graduate in three years. Believe me, I know. I've heard of nothing else for the past year and a half. I hardly see you anymore! And Jacob -"

"Great!" he scoffed. "So now we're back to Jacob and the motorcycle. I don't like him, Bella. I don't think he's good for you."

"That's not for you to decide! It's not any of your concern who I hang out with or who my friends are! Especially since you're never even around anymore!"

"I'm here now."

"Well maybe you shouldn't be!" she seethed.

She was glaring, daring him with her eyes to fight her assertion. Instead, he turned on his heel and let himself out of her bedroom, using more force than was probably necessary to shut the door behind him. He was grinding his teeth so hard he could hear them squeak as he stormed down the stairs.

He still couldn't fight off the barrage of mental images of his Bella straddling Jacob-fucking-Black on the back of a motorcycle. Worse than that, though, were the images that kept flashing behind his eyelids of the pictures of motorcycle crash injuries he'd studied. Instead of faceless victims, his not-so-helpful imagination filled in the blanks with Bella. Bella's beautiful hair, matted with blood from where her head hit the pavement. Bella's lovely eyes, glazed and unseeing.

He paused at the bottom of the stairs to rub his eyes, as if that could help the images dissipate.

Couldn't she see that she'd terrified him tonight? Apparently not. She was just offended and angry that he'd tried to steer her away from making similarly reckless decisions in the future. Was it really so wrong of him to be concerned for her safety? To want to be the one she turned to for help? He didn't think that was too much to ask.

"Way to go, brother."

He spun around to find his sister perched on the kitchen island, glaring at him. Great. Fantastic. Just what he needed.

"Not now, Alice."

As if she could read his mind, she raised her eyebrows at him. "Is this really about Bella's safety?"

 _Of course it is. That's all it is._

 _Mostly._

"It's none of your business," he growled.

She shrugged calmly. "It's not my fault you two were shouting so loudly. I think this is really just about you feeling threatened by Jacob. Is that why you're getting so worked up over this?"

He glared at her, hating that she was always too observant for her own good. "No. Why? Should I be feeling threatened?"

Alice just rolled her eyes and hopped off the counter. "You know that Bella doesn't even _see_ any other guy but you. At least not in that way." She paused, probably trying to gauge his reaction. "She's right, you know. We haven't seen you around much."

"Goddammit!" he shouted, running his fingers through his hair again in exasperation. "I don't need this from you too, Alice."

She raised her eyebrows at him, then just shook her head and turned away, heading upstairs.

What the hell? He knew he'd been busy lately, but does that mean he automatically forfeited all rights over to Jacob? He stalked back out to his car, violently shoved the key into the ignition, and sped away down the street, not knowing what his destination was.

He was speeding through the streets of town, and was so distracted that he almost didn't notice the red light. He slammed on the brakes and squealed to a stop, then took a deep breath to try to force himself to relax. His phone began to ring, and he pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at the caller ID.

"What is it, Emmett?"

"What the hell, man?"

He sounded pissed. Wonderful. "What's up?"

"Don't play coy with me. Why'd you go off on Bella?"

He sucked in another long breath of air and let it out slowly. "Alice?"

"Yeah, she texted me. She's with Bella now, who is pretty upset, by the way. So I repeat, what the hell?"

"Did she tell you the whole story?" His siblings should really just mind their own business. They were _his_ family. Weren't they supposed to be on his side?

"She said that Bella's truck broke down, and she called you but you didn't answer, so she rode home with Jacob."

"On his _motorcycle_!" Edward ground out.

Emmett left a gap of silence, as if waiting for him to continue, before he chimed in. "So?"

"Does no one but me understand how dangerous those things are?" he cried, exasperated. "And I'm not at all confident in that kid's driving abilities, either!"

"Yeah, sure. What's this really about?"

"Why doesn't anyone believe that I could actually just be concerned about Bella's wellbeing? She doesn't have the greatest track record of staying in one piece, and I don't like her hanging out with this guy! I don't like him for her, he's too dangerous."

"Jacob is no more dangerous than you are," he scoffed.

Edward glanced down at the speedometer pushing 95 and let off the gas just a bit. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

"Come on. I know what you're thinking about Jacob, and you've got nothing to worry about there. They're just friends. What I _would_ worry about is the fact that your girlfriend is at home crying over you right now. Go take care of it." And with that, he hung up.

"What the hell!" Edward growled and threw his phone behind him into the backseat.

He was still silently seething as he sped his way out of town and left paved roads behind him. The dwindling evidence of human life helped to calm him, and he continued to force himself to breathe deeply as trees whirred past outside the windows. The scenery was familiar; he guessed he was headed for the meadow.

What little sunlight was left was quickly receding behind the horizon, and the temperature continued to drop by the minute. It was as if his anger were being sapped away with the last remaining heat of this sucky day. As he reached the end of the path, at the point where they'd usually get out and begin to hike, he put the car in park, and sighed. He leaned his head back against the seat and breathed deeply.

 _Way to go, asshole. Happy now?_

He shook his head at himself in disgust, and then banged it back against the headrest a couple times for good measure.

He'd been fucking up a lot lately. He'd earned a C on a paper last week. Even after having spent the entire day in the library today, he knew he had a mountain of work still ahead of him to stay on top of all the rest of his classes, not to mention some extra credit work he'd begged for from his professor to help him make up for that paper. There wasn't enough time in a week for him to attend all of his classes and labs, meet with all of his study groups, and finish all of his assignments; much less to eat, sleep, and spend time with his girlfriend.

He closed his eyes against the sudden image of Bella's brown eyes turning from surprise to anger when he'd gone off on her tonight. Unfortunately, the scene still played out on the backs of his eyelids, and he couldn't shut it out. He'd stepped over the line, he knew that. He hadn't been able to help his body's fight-or-flight response when he thought about how she could've been hurt today, but he should have done a better of job of controlling his reaction. He had confirmed with his own eyes that she was fine; physically, anyway. She hadn't been hurt on the kid's bike, but Edward knew that he himself had damn well hurt her.

"What the hell am I doing?" he asked the empty car. The trees around him didn't provide an answer.

Thirty minutes later, he once again found himself on the front step of Bella's house. He knocked quickly and let himself in, and was greeted with a completely neutral look from Alice. He braced himself for his mea culpa.

"I'm sorry," he told her wearily. And he meant it.

She nodded curtly. "Good. Now go tell her."

"I will, but I didn't mean just for her. I'm sorry for yelling at you."

She pursed her lips for a moment, apparently considering, and then smiled. "I forgive you. Now you just have to hope Bella will."

"How big of an ass was I, on a scale from one to ten?"

"Fourteen," Alice answered easily.

He nodded, his mouth pressed into a thin line. "Good to know."

"She's in her room," Alice urged him.

He steeled himself for his task as he climbed the stairs slowly and knocked softly on her bedroom door. "Bella? It's me."

He heard her moving about her room, and saw the shadow of her feet underneath the door. She paused there for a few endless moments before she finally opened the door and stepped back.

If he didn't already feel terrible enough for what he now recognized as an overreaction, seeing Bella like this would've done him in. She'd obviously been crying, and he took in her guarded expression, as if she were preparing herself for another fight.

He stepped into the room and immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. She was unresponsive, but he continued murmuring his apologies into her ear while his hands smoothed her hair. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Finally he felt her press her cheek to his chest and hug him back. "I'm sorry, too."

He pulled back to look at her, and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away fresh tears trailing their way down her face. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I overreacted, and I'm so sorry. You're right, I've been spending way too much time studying-"

"No," she interrupted, shaking her head fiercely. "No, you need to study in order to get accepted into a good med program, and I understand that. I just miss you."

"I miss you too," he mumbled, relieved as hell as he crushed her to him again. "I'm sorry I'm such a jerk. Can you forgive me?"

She nodded her head against his chest, and he trailed his hands to the sides of her neck, using his thumbs under her chin to tilt her face up to his. He leaned down to kiss her, moving his mouth gently over hers.

"I love you so much," she mumbled against his lips.

His only answer was to squeeze her tighter. He brought his hands down to the backs of her thighs and lifted her up against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and deepened their kiss as he closed the door behind them.


	9. Just To Be Near You - March 2018

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer.

 **A/N:** I'm playing around with the day of the week on which I update… I think Thursdays are going to work best for me for now. Thanks as always for reading, reviewing, following, etc!

 **Listen To:** _Wreck of the Day_ by Anna Nalick

 **Chapter 9 - Just To Be Near You**

Bella Swan

March 10, 2018

"This isn't happening! There's no way this is happening!"

"There's nothing you can do to stop me."

"I'll scream, I swear I will!"

"Scream all you want, girlie, but that's not going to do you any good."

"I'll tackle the waitress if she comes anywhere near this table with chocolate cake!"

Emmett laughed. "Suit yourself! I'll just grab the cake before it comes crashing down, and you two can wrestle around on the floor for as long as you'd like."

Alice rolled her eyes in response. "And just how do you think you're going to manage that? Your cake will be ruined, that's the whole point!"

"I've got the reflexes of a cat." To prove his point, Emmett grabbed his straw out of his glass and flicked water across the table at his sister.

Bella sighed and shook her head, smiling at Jasper as he quietly ordered both the chocolate cake and the cheesecake from the waitress, who quite frankly was looking a bit frightened by what she'd just walked in on and overheard. The arguing duo next to him didn't seem to notice, and in fact, it looked as if the water fight was about to escalate. Alice was gripping both hers and Jasper's glasses of water with white knuckles.

"How about the apple cobbler?"

Emmett and Alice both gave Bella an incredulous look at her suggestion, but she managed to distract their attention for just long enough for their spouses to casually slide away the more dangerous of the utensils. Whatever trouble they could get into with spoons was up to them to control.

At the opposite end of the table, Esme turned to Carlisle, shaking her head in mock disappointment. "We really can't take them anywhere, can we? And on your birthday, no less."

"Sorry, Mom," they mumbled in unison.

With the commotion over for the moment, Bella turned her attention back to her own end of the table. Sitting across from her, Edward had been entertaining Emily while her father was otherwise occupied.

"But if it's Grampa's birthday, he gets to pick what's for dessert, right?" Emily asked innocently.

"You would think so, wouldn't you?" Edward snuck a glance over at Bella, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling for her benefit while she stifled a chuckle. "But your Daddy and Alice like to make things difficult for Grandpa. And the rest of us."

Emily nodded sagely, as if she knew that made all the sense in the world, then perked up. "So when it's my birthday, I get to pick what's for dessert, right?"

Edward pretended to consider that for a moment, and then gave her an exaggerated shrug. "I guess that's true. So when's your birthday?"

"Tomorrow!" she exclaimed, giggling.

"What?" he gasped. He gave her a look of surprised horror, prompting more giggles from Emily. "Oh no, what am I going to get you for a present? Bella, did you know that Emily's birthday is _tomorrow_?"

"What?" She widened her eyes, playing her part. "I can't believe it! I must've forgotten."

"No you didn't!" Emily squealed. "You know my birthday!"

"How old are you going to be?" Bella inquired, keeping up the act.

"Four!"

"And what do four-year-olds like to get as presents for their birthdays?" Edward prompted.

While Emily began listing present ideas, ranging from a stuffed whale to a castle, the waitress arrived with the desserts and set them in the middle of the table before quickly backing away. Bella didn't blame her.

Emmett and Alice each dove into their respective favorite dishes. She hung back while the rest of the gang dished up servings onto their plates, because she knew better than to put any of her appendages too close to Emmett while he was eating cake. Rosalie gave Emily a sliver of cake, which she promptly proceeded to devour. Apparently that apple hadn't fallen far from the tree.

As everyone pulled back from the center of the table to eat their dessert, Bella made a move to grab some of whatever was left, but was interrupted by a plate of cake that was deftly slid in front of her.

He leaned around her and spoke low in her ear as he made his way back around the table to his seat. "I made sure you got some of the ice cream, too."

She smiled her approval at Edward. "Thank you."

Of course he knew that the cake would have been her preference. She watched him slide back into the booth on the other side of the table with his plate of cheesecake. He proceeded to slice off a small hunk and transfer it to Emily's nearly-empty plate, ducking his head to share a conspiratorial whisper with her while they both looked over at Rose, who was engaged in a conversation with Esme. Emily giggled, but quickly covered her mouth with both hands when Edward brought a finger to his lips, his eyes glittering.

Then he looked over and saw Bella watching, and gave her a sheepish look.

"Such a bad influence," she teased quietly, shaking her head at him and biting her lip to suppress her smile.

He looked over to see Emily thoroughly distracted by her bonus dessert before turning back to Bella, to whom his only answer was a smirk and a wink.

Once the cakes were consumed and the waitress had sent another poor, unsuspecting employee to drop off the check, the evening began to wind down. Despite the sugar she'd just practically inhaled, Emily was beginning to yawn, and Emmett and Rosalie were the first to leave the restaurant, though the rest of them weren't far behind. They made their way to the parking lot together.

Bella trailed along beside Alice, who was telling her all about the latest trends in spring fashion. Bella watched as Edward, on the other side of Alice, slowed his steps as he pulled his phone from his pocket to take a call. A brief moment later, he called up to them.

"That was Emmett," he indicated, holding up his phone. "They think Emily accidentally left Sir Quacks-A-Lot back in the booth. Bella, did you see him?"

 _Uh-oh. This is an emergency. Emily sure loves that ratty old duck._

She shook her head. "I didn't, but I can go back and look."

She had already begun to turn around, but Edward waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. I've got it. I'll catch up to you guys in a sec."

She watched him retreat back into the restaurant while the rest of the group moved off to the side of the parking lot to wait. Bella knew that this was her chance to make a clean break. She'd learned over the years that arrivals and departures amongst the entire Cullen clan often came with a slightly awkward to-hug-or-not-to-hug scenario when it came to the family's bronze-haired middle child.

"I'm parked back this way," she told the group. "Happy birthday again, Carlisle."

She quickly participated in hugs from the entire group in attendance, among choruses of "Bye, Bella" and "Drive safe". She began to head across the parking lot toward her car. The sun had set and the restaurant's lot had nearly emptied, with only a few cars remaining. She could still hear the low voices behind her, and before she was halfway across the blacktop, she heard "See ya, Edward" from the background.

She glanced back to see him trailing behind her, waving over his shoulder to the rest of his family. He jogged a few strides to catch up and walk beside her. His face wore a look of consternation, until he sidled up next to her.

"You should be walking under the lights," he told her, placing a hand at the small of her back and steering her to the side of the pavement, under the spill of the lamps overhead. "You're wearing dark clothes, and a car wouldn't be able to see you until it was too late."

"I'm fine," she told him, though she knew it was useless. She sidestepped his touch as soon as they were under the light.

He let his hand fall back to his side. "I think I'm in the spot right next to you. Do you still drive your Mazda?"

"Yep." They walked a few more steps, and in dread of potentially-awkward silence, she added, "For now, anyway."

"Looking for a new car?" he asked as she began to dig her keys out of her purse.

She cringed. She should have foreseen that question, and she wasn't exactly keen on revealing the reasons behind her recent half-hearted attempts at car shopping. Her steps slowed as they approached their vehicles, and she saw that his Volvo was in fact parked right beside her.

She hurried to try to finish the conversation. "I, um… it's a lease. And it's up soon."

 _Liar_!

 _Shut up._

"Got it." Edward pulled his car keys from his pocket, and his other hand went to the back of his neck. "Well, you know we're here if you want any help looking."

She forced a smile. She was genuinely appreciative of the offer, but it was a touchy subject. "Thanks. I'll let you know."

He gave a half-smile and looked down for a moment before meeting her eyes again. "Alright, well… you have my number."

She nodded, feeling heat rise to her face for some inexplicable reason. Then she remembered, and reached out for a life preserver to keep her from drowning in this conversation. "Did you find Sir Quacks-A-Lot?"

Edward smiled and reached into his pocket, drawing out the tiny stuffed duck. "Safe and sound."

"Oh, thank God," Bella said, returning his smile. "You're a hero."

His smile faltered a bit, falling at the edges as he stuffed his hand, duck included, back into his pocket. His gaze fell to the ground.

 _Damn. He's over-analyzing. I need to share my life preserver with Edward._

"First you give her the bonus dessert, and now you've rescued Sir Quacks-A-Lot. Emily sure is one lucky girl."

His smile was tighter now, but he accepted the conversation buoyancy she had extended, grasping on to the innocuous discussion of their niece. "You'll be there tomorrow?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it. A girl only gets one fourth birthday."

He nodded. "I guess I'll see you around then, Bella."

She purposely took a few steps back toward the driver's side of her car while he was speaking, putting distance between them and eliminating the opportunity for a goodbye hug.

"I'll see you then," she confirmed.

She climbed into her car and let him pull out of his parking spot first while she queued up a playlist on her iPod and plugged it into the stereo. She sighed, reflecting back on the conversation about her Mazda. She had accidentally opened the door to a conversation she wasn't comfortable having, and had fumbled her way through an answer. He must have known she was lying about the lease. There was no such thing as a 10-year car lease. She'd owned the Mazda outright for several years, having long since paid it off in full.

The real reason she was beginning the process of replacing her car was because she was in the process of replacing everything.

She hadn't realized she was making the decision not to take the freeway until she found herself making the left-hand turn that would take her home the long way. The clock read 8:27, which meant rush hour was long-since over, but she didn't really mind an extra fifteen minutes for the commute. She was in no hurry to get home.

It had just started a few weeks ago. She'd arrived home from a catering event, had washed her face and brushed her teeth and climbed into bed with a book. She found herself wishing she could take a nice relaxing bubble bath, but she knew that she couldn't. The spare bathroom has a shower, and no tub. The only bathtub in the house was in the master bath, which she never used anymore. The entire master suite had sat empty and unused since Jacob's death. She'd moved all of her things into one of the spare bedrooms, and she'd been sleeping there ever since.

She became inexplicably frustrated at not being able to take a bath. No, frustrated wasn't the word. She'd been furious. Enraged. She'd stormed into the master suite and surveyed the room, her rage overshadowing the lingering fear and grief that had previously kept her out of the space. It really wasn't much of a master, anyway; the room itself was no bigger than the spare bedroom, it just had a bathroom attached to it. Which also shared a wall with the spare room.

She'd stomped out to the garage, still in her pajamas and bare feet. After taking stock of a wall full of tools she'd never used, she found a sledgehammer she hadn't known she owned. She'd dragged it into the house, down the hall to the master suite, and used it to punch a hole through the bathroom wall. Then she'd gone back into the spare room and gone to bed, smiling at the hole in the wall across the room. The next day, she'd called a contractor.

Her house was basically being gutted, and had been crawling with construction workers ever since. The completion date was supposed to be next Friday, but that was seeming increasingly less likely as the days went on. She was still sleeping on the couch in the living room, which was separated from the rest of the house by sheets of plastic since it was the only room not being demoed.

She was pretty sure that sleeping on the couch was the culprit for the neck pain she'd been having, and she wasn't really in a hurry to get home to it. It was a comfortable couch, just not meant to be slept on for weeks on end.

As a song on her iPod was ending and the silence stretched before the next song began, she heard a groaning noise emanating from her car. She turned off the stereo volume and listened as the groaning became louder and was accompanied by rattling, and before long the car started to shake as if she were driving over gravel, which she was not.

Glad at that moment for not having taken the freeway, she pulled over to the shoulder of the road under a streetlamp to check things out. She got out and inspected the tires, which all looked normal.

"Oh, who am I kidding?" she mumbled to herself in the darkness. She couldn't detect any odd tire protuberances, but that was about the extent of her car knowledge. She'd have to call Quil or Embry in the morning to ask them to check it out. She sighed and climbed back into the driver's seat and turned the key.

And nothing happened. She tried again, with the same result. "Shit!"

A voice in the back of her head told her that's what she got for lying to Edward about her reasons for needing a new car. Karma's a bitch. She'd just have to call Embry tonight.

She dug through her purse to find her cell phone and tried dialing his number, but nothing happened. It was dead. She cursed again, loudly, and smacked the steering wheel with her palm. Her voice echoed in the small car and she was suddenly more aware of the extreme quiet. There hadn't been any other cars driving by.

She continued to press random buttons on her phone in a futile attempt to make it regain life, but she distinctly remembered the blinking alarm clock this morning signaling that the power had gone out last night. Her phone must not have charged all the way. She tried not to panic.

"Dammit!" she cried. She locked her door and glanced around to make sure all the others were locked as well, suddenly feeling very exposed. What were her options? She could walk the 5 miles back to the city to find a phone, in the dark, by herself, and probably be murdered. Or she could walk to the freeway and try to flag down a stranger, in the dark, by herself, and probably be murdered.

She turned the key again and cursed her lack of mechanical knowledge. She knew it couldn't be the battery, but that was all she knew.

 _If only..._

She tried to stop that thought before it finished, but didn't quite make it.

 _If only Jacob were here._

Her breath caught in her throat, but she forced herself to let it out slowly. She'd been doing better, she really had. She could think about him now. She was healing. She even had Jasper's stamp of approval, and he was a professional therapist. It still hurt, though, and sitting alone in the dark at the side of the road, she thought she was allowed some self-pity. It was a pretty pitiful situation she'd gotten herself into.

They'd bought this car together. It wasn't long after they'd made the transition from friends to more-than-friends, and she remembered feeling uncomfortable when the salesman had assumed they were husband and wife. Of course Jacob thought it was great fun and played along, forcing her to pretend with him. He'd kept exaggerating, calling her terms of endearment.

" _Look, honey-buns," he'd said. "Heated seats!"_

" _Come here, sweetums - check out this sound system."_

" _You like this color, babydoll?"_

She'd made a gagging face at him when the salesman wasn't looking, and he'd laughed.

She was torn out of her reverie by a knock on the driver's side window of her car. She screamed and jumped in her seat, shying away from the door and trying to get a look at whoever was outside. A man moved so he was standing in the light of the streetlamp and her headlights, hands held up to make himself look harmless.

"Sorry!" he called, his voice muffled from outside the car. "I didn't mean to scare you! Do you need help?"

She considered the offer for a moment. It didn't seem like a great idea to open her door to a strange man in a secluded place at night, but then again, what other options did she have? As she thought about it, she looked closer at the man.

He had dark blonde hair that was just long enough to be tucked behind his ears, with a few strands falling across his forehead and framing his disconcertingly light blue eyes. He was tall; must've been at least 6'2". She noted, objectively, that he was very handsome, though now was hardly the appropriate time to be noticing that. He also looked familiar.

She swallowed hard, and then made up her mind. She stepped out of the car, standing behind the open door and using it as a shield. As if that would do her any good. A cold breeze swept across her face, and she hadn't realized until that moment that she'd been crying. She swiped quickly at her eyes to clear away the tears.

The man took a small step closer but then hesitated, probably not wanting to seem threatening. "Are you okay?"

Bella ignored his question, as she often tried to lately whenever she was asked that. The answer really depended on one's definition of 'okay'.

"Do I know you?" she countered instead.

He took another step closer, peering at her curiously, as if trying to place her. He moved a hand to his hip, and his light jacket stretched tight across his broad shoulders.

Recognition dawned for Bella. "You helped me move in. On Christmas Eve. I remember you. I was traveling, and you helped me move my bags back into my house."

The man had moved closer still, and he tilted his head to one side. Then he snapped his fingers in recognition. "That's right, I do remember you. Wow, small world, huh?"

"I guess so," she acknowledged.

He smiled, and she began to relax. "Well hey, are you going home?" he asked. "I live close to your house. I can drive you, if you want."

She took a deep breath. On the one hand, the thought of Bella getting into a car with a stranger would probably give her police chief father a heart attack. On the other hand, he wasn't a total stranger, she supposed. Plus, she'd really like to get home. She'd unexpectedly reopened some old wounds tonight. She was getting better at the Jacob stuff, but that didn't mean it didn't still hurt. As if to prove a point, another tear trailed its way down her cheek, and she impatiently wiped it away.

The man must've noticed her hesitation, because he chimed in quickly. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. Of course you can also just use my phone to call a tow truck or something. I'll wait in my car and you can wait in yours. No pressure."

She watched him dig his phone out of his pocket and hold it out to her. Then she shook her head, decision made. "No, it's ok, I'd just like to go home. If you're sure you don't mind."

He smiled. "Of course not."

He led the way to his truck. He'd parked behind her on the side of the road, proving how introspective she must have been, given that she hadn't even noticed another set of headlights pull up. She did take him up on his offer of a phone call, and called Embry on their drive home. Her car really couldn't sit there all night long, and this way at least Embry would also know where she was if she were murdered and left in a ditch.

Luckily it turned out that wasn't necessary. The stranger was seemingly a gentleman, and she arrived safe and sound back at home. He stopped his truck at the curb after she'd pointed out which house was hers, as a reminder.

"Well, here you go," he announced.

She turned to him and smiled her gratitude as she took off her seatbelt. "Thank you so much for your help. Again."

"My pleasure. I'm here for whatever assistance you may require - moving, car trouble, you name it."

She chuckled. "A jack-of-all-trades?"

"Feel free to consider me your go-to neighbor," he told her. "Your own personal Swiss Army knife-neighbor."

Then his gaze slid past her shoulder to the house. "If you don't mind my asking… what's going on in there?"

Her eyes followed his. The house did look like a mess, with construction equipment littering the yard and a ladder and plastic sheets clearly visible through the front window.

"Lots of construction," she replied. After a beat, she added, "I'm remodeling my life."

"Old life didn't suit you anymore?" he joked.

She attempted a lighthearted response. "Something like that."

She must not have pulled it off very well, because his brow lowered in concern. "I'm sorry. It's really none of my business."

She watched his blue eyes slide away uncomfortably in the ambient light inside the truck cab, and felt bad. He'd been so nice to her, on more than one occasion now. She swallowed hard. Maybe it was just a result of the strange evening she'd had, or maybe she was finally taking Jasper up on his advice to be open to talking about what had happened. Still, her own admission surprised her.

"My husband died six months ago," she said. Her voice was low in the darkness.

His eyes shot back to her face, and she saw what looked like genuine sympathy there. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be glib."

"Don't worry about it," she dismissed. "You didn't know."

His hand reached out across the middle console, as if to touch hers where it lay across her knee, but then he withdrew. He cleared his throat. "I can imagine how hard this must be for you. I lost my fiance a few years ago."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. They shared a look of understanding. Tears welled up in her eyes for the second time that night, but she quickly blinked them away and tore her gaze from his. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I don't know why I'm so emotional tonight."

This time he did reach out and lay his hand lightly on top of hers, just for a moment, giving it a squeeze before he pulled away.

"Just get some sleep," he suggested. "I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning."

She nodded, gathering her purse and preparing to open the door. "You might be right."

"Goodbye, Bella." He smiled over at her. "I'm sure we'll see each other again soon, the way things are going."

"I'll try not to need too much help next time. Thank you again." She paused. "I don't even know your name."

He reached out a hand. "I'm James. James Stanton."

"Nice to meet you, James," she replied, taking his hand. "I'm Bella Swan."

He grasped her hand firmly before he released her, and she stepped down from the cab. His truck remained idling at the curb, waiting until she'd unlocked her front door and closed it safely behind her before she heard him drive away.

* * *

 **A/N:** As always, would love to hear your thoughts!


	10. We Crash and We Roll - Feb 2007

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **A/N:** Back again! Who remembers 2007? Let's bring it back...

 **Listen To:** _Run_ by Matt Nathanson (ft. Sugarland)

 **Chapter 10 - We Crash and We Roll**

Edward Cullen

February 10, 2007

"Come on man, rip 'em open. Just like a bandaid. Get it over with quick."

Edward glanced at his brother quickly before returning his gaze to the pile of unopened envelopes sitting in front of him. Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend since New Year's Eve, was perched on his lap in their seat across the table. He looked to his right, where Bella sat, smiling supportively. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

If only it were like the old days, when you could tell whether or not you got accepted to a school from the size of the envelope. All the admission paperwork was online these days. The envelopes looked the same regardless of whether they were accepting or rejecting you. The small pile of innocuous-looking envelopes mocked him from the middle of his kitchen table.

"This is what you've been waiting for," Bella encouraged. Sensing his hesitation, she placed a reassuring hand on his arm. "Do you want me to open them?"

Edward took a deep breath, shaking his head. He could do this.

He stared at them some more.

 _Just like a bandaid._

 _Rip it off. Rip them open._

Bella reached out to grab an envelope from the pile and held it out to him. He brought his eyes up to hers, and shook his head again. She raised her eyebrows in a silent question, and he nodded at her.

He closed his eyes against the sound of paper tearing open. He heard crinkling sounds as she opened the letter, and then several moments of silence stretched.

"What? What is it?" he demanded impatiently. He opened his eyes and saw her smiling, and his heartbeat picked up in anticipation.

"Mr. Cullen," she read, grinning from ear to ear. "We are pleased to offer you acceptance-"

She was cut off by Emmett's boisterous whoop. "Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking about!"

 _Thank God!_

Edward nearly sagged in relief while Bella threw her arms around him. The past three years of classes, cramming, and falling asleep at the library were finally paying off. At least now he knew he had _somewhere_ to go after graduation.

"Where?" he asked, holding out his hand for the letter.

Bella handed it over with a giddy grin. "University of Washington!"

He read the letter for himself, just to verify what he'd heard. Then he read it again. Then he stared at it, still not quite believing his eyes. The University of Washington's Medical Studies was a great program, and it meant he could stay in Seattle with Bella and the rest of his family.

 _Three years! Three years of hard work, late nights, and missing my girlfriend. It's all led me here._

"Congratulations," Rosalie added enthusiastically once Emmett had released her from a display of affection that was, in Edward's opinion, a little too much considering their current company.

"Open the rest!" Emmett cried, grabbing another envelope and ripping into it. His expression fell.

Edward gaped at him in dismay, but tried to remind himself that it didn't truly matter at this point. He still had UW. "What is it? Where is that from?"

"Sorry, bro," Emmett sighed, shaking his head.

Edward craned his neck, trying to read the envelope that Emmett still had in his hand. "Which one is that?"

Emmett plowed on, ignoring his question. "It looks like you're going to have some tough decisions to make, because you're wanted everywhere!" he shouted, now laughing.

Rosalie punched Emmett in the shoulder while he threw the letter down on the table in triumph. "University of Pennsylvania!"

Bella jumped out of her seat and pulled Edward up with her, hugging him tightly and laughing uncontrollably. "Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! I mean, I can, because clearly you've earned it, but… oh my gosh!"

Edward was speechless, still feeling a little stunned. His entire academic career had led him to this moment. It felt surreal.

"Can I open another?" Bella asked him, clasping her hands in front of her. "It's addictive!"

He laughed. "Go for it."

"You should really try this, too, you know," she told him as she grabbed another envelope and tore into it.

"I think I prefer watching you," he replied. And watch her he did, raptly. He saw her eyes dart across the page before they shot back to his.

"Mr. Cullen, we are pleased to welcome you…" She let out a wordless shriek of excitement, waving the letter at him. "Duke!"

Before she'd even finished, Emmett had grabbed another envelope and handed one to Rosalie. Edward was otherwise occupied, focused on maintaining his balance while Bella threw herself against him. He absorbed the impact, and then adjusted his stance and flexed to make sure he was supporting her weight when he realized that her feet had left the floor.

Bella buried her face against his neck while he turned his attention to Emmett, who was staring at the letter in his hands with wide eyes.

"Harvard!" he exclaimed, then looked up to meet his brother's gaze. "Holy shit, it's Harvard!"

Edward laughed and held his hand out for the letter, not believing his ears. At the same time, Rosalie was reading the letter she'd opened.

"University of California at San Francisco wants you, my friend!" she exclaimed. Bella released him and ran around the table to read over her shoulder and hugged her, both of them squealing for joy.

This had moved past surreal, and was just plain _unreal_. He couldn't believe this. He ran his hands over his face, which did nothing to wipe away his grin.

He turned his attention to the one envelope left lying on the table, knowing the one name he hadn't heard yet, which was also the last school he'd applied to. He almost hadn't mailed in his application, knowing it was such a longshot.

"That one has to be you," Bella told him quietly. "You open it."

He grabbed it and carefully slid his finger along the envelope. He unfolded the letter without dropping Bella's gaze, and his eyes lingered on hers before they finally dropped to the page. He scanned the contents carefully.

He looked up after several long seconds and met her eyes again, and answered the question that he saw there with a small nod. "Johns Hopkins…"

With her eyes sparkling, Bella rushed toward him and threw herself into his arms again. He caught her more easily, having expected it the second time, and wrapped her tightly in a hug, as if his arms wrapped around her would help anchor him in the moment.

"Congratulations," she whispered fiercely in his ear. "I knew you would do it. I'm so proud of you!"

When he replaced her on her feet, Emmett slapped him on the back. "I'm proud of you, little bro. Graduating in three years, accepted to the top med schools in the country..." He pretended to consider for a moment. "Hey, on second thought, dial it back a bit, will you, because you're making me look bad. It took me the full four years in undergrad. Assuming I even graduate this year."

He grinned. "Sure, Emmett. Thanks."

Rosalie hugged him next. "Congratulations, again!"

Edward turned back to the kitchen table, now littered with torn envelopes and acceptance letters. Five minutes ago, he'd been terrified by the contents of those envelopes, and now he was just overwhelmed. This had been a long time coming, and yet he couldn't help but feel as if the past five minutes had altered the course of his life.

Bella tugged on his hand, and he turned to face her. She was still grinning, which made him smile in return while he reached up to brush her hair behind her ear.

"You have to call your parents," she insisted.

He complied, pulling his cell phone from his pocket while Emmett cajoled Bella into joining him in a poor imitation of a waltz across the kitchen. Edward chuckled as he watched them and listened to a couple of rings on the other end of the line before his mother answered.

"Hi, Edward."

"Hey, Mom," he answered. "Got a minute?"

"For you? Always."

He exhaled a laugh at her standard response. "Actually, is Dad there, too? Can you get him on the line?"

"He's here." He heard her hesitate. "Is everything ok?"

Edward worked to assuage the concern that had crept into her voice. "Yeah, everything's fine. More than fine, actually. I have some news."

"Oh, Edward," she exclaimed breathlessly. "You did it, didn't you?"

"Go get Dad," he reminded her, chuckling.

"Oh, right, oh my," she mumbled. He heard her pull the phone away from her ear and call out to his father, before she came back on the line. "Oh, honey, I just knew it. I'd thought you were going to wait, but… oh, what's the point, really?"

"Wait?" he questioned, confused.

But his mother paid him no heed, continuing her excited babbling. "I told your father just last weekend, after you and Bella left dinner, that it was only a matter of time. Oh, I'm just so happy for you two! How did you do it?"

"How did I…" he repeated. "Wait, what are you talking about?"

Her tone began to adopt the same confused inflection as his as she wondered at his hesitancy. "Well, your news."

His dad's voice came over the line then. "What news?"

"Edward has news about him and Bella," his mother replied.

"Me and…" Edward halted, his eyes widening as he spun his back on Bella, who was thankfully still in Emmett's clutches across the room.

 _Not_ that _news! Not yet!_

"No!" he exclaimed, far too loudly. He overcompensated for his volume, and practically whispered into the phone next. "It's not what you think. It's not that."

His flustered mother began to stammer through an apology while Edward skirted around the table and out of the kitchen, darting a glance behind him to make sure the others were still distracted. Even though the logical side of him knew that there was no way they could hear the other end of his conversation, he couldn't help but feel like his mom had almost spilled the beans.

Not that he and Bella hadn't talked about it before. They'd talked about it for years. It was a foregone conclusion at this point; of course they would spend their lives together. But how and when that life together would start was still ahead of them. He wanted to keep that close to the vest. A proposal didn't feel like something that should be casually discussed. He never wanted Bella to feel like _she_ was a foregone conclusion. She deserved so much more than that.

His father dragged him back to the conversation. "I'm missing something. What news do you have, Edward?"

"I'm calling because I heard back from grad schools today."

"Oh!" his mother exclaimed again, no less excited this time. "I didn't realize you would hear so soon!"

"What's the word?" his father asked.

Edward relayed the _real_ news, and sometime between his father's heartfelt congratulations and the time when his mother's praise disintegrated into sniffles, Bella found him. She pressed herself against him and stood on her tiptoes so she could hear the conversation.

 _Thank God she hadn't been listening in earlier._

Emmett leaned in on his way past them to the door to shout a greeting to their parents, then he and Rose waved on their way out the door for dinner.

Esme and Carlisle were talking excitedly amongst themselves, and Edward took the opportunity to pull Bella to him and kiss her. He'd meant it to be quick and chaste - mostly - but she pulled him back and kissed him properly and thoroughly before pulling away only when the need for oxygen became too great to ignore. She looked up and grinned at him, pressed against him in such a way that she could no doubt feel the reaction she was causing.

She made a game of distracting him for the rest of the conversation. Their stolen kisses grew more heated, requiring him to hold the phone away at arm's length to hide their heavy breathing from his unsuspecting parents.

When he realized that the murmurs from the phone had quieted, he cleared his throat and brought it back to his ear.

"Sorry, what was that?" he managed.

"How long do you have to make your decisions?" his mother asked patiently.

"Oh, um," Edward stammered while Bella's fingers trailed down his abdomen. "I'm not quite sure."

Esme continued on excitedly, but Edward couldn't process anything she was saying while Bella's hand inched lower. He finally caught her wrist just as she reached the waistband of his jeans. He caught his breath as the tips of her fingers curled ever-so-slightly beneath the fabric, just above the button of his fly.

Bella was looking up at him, and he squeezed his eyes shut against the image in a last-ditch effort to pull himself together. It was futile, though, as he was already so sensitized, and as always, every fiber of his being was attuned to her. He felt her body slide against his as she rose up on her toes to press her lips to his throat.

He swallowed hard, then realized that his father had just said something that required a response. He choked out an incoherent sound that he hoped would pass for vaguely affirmative.

He felt Bella's lips curve in amusement, right before she drew away, removing her mouth and her hands from him and stepping back to give him space. He reopened his eyes just in time to see her smile, clearly pleased with being the clear winner of the game they'd been playing. The corner of his mouth lifted in response, but then he turned away to work on refocusing his attention on the phone call.

Thankfully, he didn't need to hold on to his frayed wits and dwindling patience for much longer, as the conversation was winding down. After more copious congratulations and a few more joyful tears from his mom, he wrapped up the call.

After saying goodbye to his parents, Edward turned back to Bella, who was sitting on the couch with her chin in her hand, smiling up at him.

"You've got some decisions to make, Mr. Cullen." She walked over to where he was still standing and wrapped her arms around his shoulders while he automatically placed his hands on her hips. "The world is your oyster."

He laughed at her cheesiness. "I still can't believe this. UW, yes, and even Duke, sure. But Harvard? Johns Hopkins?"

"I knew you would do it," she assured him, her eyes bright.

He loved the way she looked at him. He rested his lips against her hair, inhaling the scent of her. His heart was still beating faster than normal from all the excitement.

"What are you going to do?" Bella asked softly.

Truthfully, he had no idea. He had hoped, dreamed even, but he'd never actually expected to gain acceptance everywhere he'd applied. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he knew what he wanted to do right then, and he still had awhile to figure out the rest. Instead of answering, he hooked his fingers under Bella's chin and tilted her head up for a scorching kiss. He pulled her closer and could feel her heartbeat pick up again, echoing his own.

She broke away so they could catch their breath and frantically pulled up the hem of his tshirt, making his muscles twitch as her touch skated over his skin. She couldn't get the shirt past his arms since his hands were busy. With one hand tangled in her hair and the other slowly heading north from her hip, he turned her frustrated sound into a moan while he nipped gently at her bottom lip. She pulled back, breathing heavily and gazing up at him through her eyelashes. Her eyes were heavy-lidded with arousal.

She tried once more to pull at his clothes, but Edward had other plans. Without warning, he leaned down to grip her thighs and threw her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry while she yelped in surprise.

She'd played with him for long enough, and though he knew she considered herself the victor of their little game, he had plans to make sure they were both winners in the second round. He smacked her ass as he turned and carried her towards the bedroom while she laughed.


	11. The Past That's In Between Us - Apr 2018

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **A/N:** Thanks as always for reading & reviewing! I love reading folks' theories on what happened between our favorite duo over the past decade. We're getting closer to the point when all will be revealed, so hang in there!

 **Listen To:** _Here is Gone_ by Goo Goo Dolls

 **Chapter 11 - The Past That's In Between Us**

Bella Swan

April 17, 2018

Bella tossed her purse and jacket onto the kitchen island on her way to her bedroom, not bothering to take the time to hang them up. Her meeting with her publisher had run much later than expected, and as a result, she had exactly three minutes to change before she had to be back out the door.

She kicked off her heels while trying to shed her work clothes, though her haste only resulted in her arms becoming stuck in the sleeves of her crisp button-down shirt. She suppressed a groan of frustration as she freed herself, letting the shirt fall to the floor without a second glance. She ducked into her closet to select an outfit for dinner, glad that she could be secure in her choice of a cozy sweater and her most comfortable jeans.

A glance at the clock on her nightstand revealed that she had one minute left. She dashed into the bathroom to grab a hair tie to sweep her hair up into a messy bun. She felt no need to put much effort into her appearance; the neighborhood diner that had become a go-to for weekend dinners served great food with no pretension.

Because the diner was such a staple, she also knew that it took her precisely eight minutes to get there, which meant if she left right this second, she just might make it in time. She swiped her purse and jacket from the island on her way back out the door and slung them into the passenger seat of her car.

She got lucky with a couple of stoplights, and pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant with a minute to spare. She hopped out of the car and hustled up to the front door, partially because she still felt somewhat harried and rushed, and partially to escape the rain that had started to fall.

She realized once she stepped inside the lobby that her coat was still slung over her arm, and she rolled her eyes at herself. Her punishment for her silly oversight would be sitting through dinner in a slightly damp sweater.

She peered around the lobby to seek out her dinner companion. She felt oddly proud that their little neighborhood eatery was consistently busy these days, with patrons overflowing from the handful of benches while they waited for tables. She remembered the early days when they'd opened, when she and Jake were often one of only a handful of couples dining on weekend evenings.

"Bella?"

Her breath caught and she froze momentarily, because she recognized that voice immediately, and it wasn't who she was expecting to see. She hesitantly turned around to face him.

Edward gave her a slightly sardonic smile, obviously not having expected to see her, either.

"Hey," she offered lamely, bringing her hand up in an awkward wave.

"Hey. How are you?" he asked.

She took a deep breath, trying to relax after the whirlwind of the past hour since she'd left her publisher. "I'm good."

He raised an eyebrow in question, clearly not believing her. "Yeah?"

Bella gave him a genuine smile, and nodded. "Yeah. It's just been kind of a weird day."

"Good weird, though?" he asked skeptically.

She chuckled. "Yeah, good weird. My publisher told me today that a production company wants to option my first book for a mini series."

Edward smiled and his eyes lit up. "That's so amazing. Congratulations!"

Before she knew it, he was pulling her into his arms. Surprised as she was, it took her a moment to respond, but then her arms automatically came up to wrap around his waist, returning his hug. Her face was pressed into his wool jacket, the fabric scratchy beneath her cheek. She inhaled and closed her eyes at his familiar scent. It was a combination of sandalwood, which she knew came from his aftershave, and beneath that, pure Edward. The flood of memories that accompanied her senses threatened to overwhelm her.

She swallowed hard, then released him and carefully extricated herself from his arms.

He pulled back with a cautious look. "I'm sorry. I..."

She shook her head, waving off his apology. "No, it's fine. I just -"

"I know," he interrupted. He smiled at her again, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "That's great news. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," she murmured, feeling herself flush. "Anyway, my meetings this afternoon ran long, and I haven't even fully had time to process it yet, you know?"

"At least you had the good sense to take yourself out to celebrate," he said, sweeping his hand to gesture at the restaurant.

"It was more like a coincidence that I already had plans for tonight."

His expression tightened almost imperceptibly. Bella would never have noticed if she hadn't known him so well, but she recognized the tensing of his jaw. He seemed to shake it off almost immediately, though. "So, have you been here before?"

"All the time," she answered. "I remember when this place opened. I've probably been here a hundred times. It's a local favorite."

"I guess I don't get out much," he said with a self-deprecating chuckle. "It's my first time here."

"You've got to try their French Dip, then. Trust me, you'll love it."

"I'll keep that in mind," he replied distractedly.

Bella noticed Edward's gaze focus over her shoulder and his eyes narrow slightly just before she felt a warm touch against her back, and jumped.

"Whoa," James said, smiling down at her. "Didn't mean to startle you."

She breathed out a soft laugh at her own expense before greeting him. "Hey, there you are."

"Yeah, I'm so sorry I'm late. I hit all the red lights on the way here."

"No worries," she assured him. Then her eyes flicked back to Edward, who was looking at James with something akin to confusion. She bit her lip, glancing back and forth between the two men and hesitating for a moment too long.

After a beat, James broke the silence, sticking his hand out to Edward in greeting. "I'm James Stanton."

"I'm sorry, how rude of me. Edward, this is my friend James. James, this is Edward, my -" She broke off, suddenly unsure of herself.

She felt her face flush, embarrassed that she'd paused, and simultaneously grasping desperately to find the appropriate words to finish. Her eyes met Edward's for a brief moment, but then she averted her gaze toward her shoes. She cleared her throat, hoping to cover for the pause that felt like eons, but in reality was only a couple seconds.

"An old friend," she managed to squeak out.

"Nice to meet you," James offered.

"Likewise," Edward replied. His eyes pulled reluctantly away from Bella to land on James, whom he gave a smile that seemed strained.

"James is my neighbor," Bella blurted out. She felt a strange compulsion to explain their relationship, though she knew that she didn't owe any explanations.

"Bella has said that you two come here a lot," Edward said.

Bella blinked in confusion, then realized that Edward had inferred that when she said she came here often, she meant with James.

James's eyes shone as he looked down at Bella with a smile. "A couple times so far, but soon to be more, I'm sure."

Bella shifted uncomfortably, feeling her face redden even further. She couldn't help but hear James's comment from Edward's perspective, and wondered if he was reading more into their relationship than there was. Then again, she wondered why she cared.

"The food is great, don't you think?" James continued, turning his attention back to Edward.

Bella looked back to Edward as well, feeling like a spectator rather than a participant in the conversation, but still inexplicably tongue-tied.

"I've never been here before, so I'll have to take your word for it. Clearly good company, though," he added, giving them a pointed look. Bella was surprised to sense a hint of animosity in his tone.

"Would you like to join us?"

Both men looked at her in surprise. She quickly pressed her lips together, as if that would help. She wanted to pull the words back as soon as they'd left her, but it was too late now. She wasn't sure what had possessed her, other than the fact that for some reason, it was important to her that Edward know that she wasn't here on a date.

She and James had become friendly over the past few weeks, but that was all. They'd started by sharing a few cups of coffee before escalating to dinners, and a new friend had proven to be a pleasant distraction for Bella. Alice Brandon-Whitlock had been a huge hit at Paris Fashion Week this year, and as a result, her friend had spent the last couple of months so swamped with work that Bella had hardly seen her. Rosalie was busy managing her career, a four-year-old, and being seven months pregnant, so Bella's interactions with her had primarily been work-related meetings. Bella had found herself with a lot of free time on her hands, and her budding friendship with James had proven a convenient way to fill the void.

"Uh, thanks," Edward muttered, his face clearly confirming what Bella already knew - that it would be an incredibly awkward dinner for three. "I'm actually just picking up a to-go order. I'm due back at work in fifteen minutes."

"Maybe some other time," James offered breezily. "We'll see you next time, man."

With that, James placed his hand between her shoulder blades to press her forward, guiding her through the crowd to the host stand. She glanced back and gave Edward an uncertain smile and a wave.

Bella Swan

May 19, 2018

"Thank you so much for coming," Bella repeated for the fifteenth time. Her cheeks hurt from maintaining a smile, but she was happy to do it.

She closed the front door of the Cullen residence and leaned her forehead against it briefly. She was exhausted. The sound of laughter from the living room reminded her that although the afternoon had dragged into evening, it was well worth it. She straightened her shoulders and trailed back through the foyer, pausing at the entrance to the living room to appreciate the remnants of the party.

Rosalie had refused any 'cutesy baby crap' - her words, of course - and so they'd gone the sophisticated route. The shower began with brunch, artfully catered if Bella did say so herself. The mini pancakes and yogurt parfaits gave way to petit fours and cupcakes. Under strict direction, Bella and Alice had made sure there were 'absolutely _no_ gauche games', but they hadn't let Rose put the kibosh on opening gifts. Although she'd fussed about it, Bella could tell that Rose had ended up thoroughly enjoying herself. Bella had even caught her getting misty-eyed over a pair of tiny blue Converse sneakers.

The party had officially wound down, and a couple members of Bella's catering staff were fluttering around the room collecting plates while other members of the Cullen clan were beginning to gather up decorations. She would join them momentarily, she told herself.

Leaning against the doorframe to the living room, Bella watched Rosalie chatting animatedly with one of the last couples in attendance. Emmett, sitting on the arm of her chair, flashed his dimples at something their friends had just said. He then looked down at his wife with a tender expression and leaned down to kiss her sweetly, resting his hand on her protruding stomach.

To her horror, Bella found that she was suddenly on the verge of becoming misty-eyed herself. She swallowed against the lump in her throat and willed herself to pull it together as she quickly skirted the room and headed toward the kitchen.

When she turned the corner and met the kitchen island, she planted her hands on the granite and hung her head between her shoulders, taking a deep breath.

"Ms. Swan?" a tentative voice called.

She turned to face Taylor, one of her newer employees. She was juggling a stack of plates in one arm, and a bundle of linen in the other.

"Oh, let me help you," she gushed, immediately taking the bundle from Taylor's hands so the poor girl could concentrate on managing the heavy plates. "And please, call me Bella."

"Thanks, Bella. Do you know where we should take those?" she asked, nodding to the bundle in Bella's hands as she made her way to the sink with the plates.

"I've got it," Bella assured her. Before the girl could protest, Bella was already headed down the hall.

She ducked into the laundry room and pulled the door closed behind her, thankful for the opportunity to steal a couple more minutes of privacy, though feeling guilty for dodging clean-up duty. She shoved the bundle of tablecloth into the washing machine, carefully measured out the detergent, and then pressed the start button.

Then she hoisted herself up to sit on the counter across the room, promising herself that she'd only take sixty more seconds to herself. The coed shower had been full of happy couples, and though Bella had been happy to bask in the love around her and in her genuine happiness for Rose and Emmett, she also couldn't help but feel a bit like a sore thumb. She just wanted a minute to regroup.

As she mentally counted down her last twenty seconds, the door handle turned and her gaze shot up to see Edward. He pulled the door closed behind him and gave her a lopsided smile. "Damn. And here I was thinking that I'd thought of a great hiding spot."

"Nice try." She took note of the bundles of napkins in the crook of his arm, and nodded her head toward the washer. "I just started that. You can still toss those in."

After following her instructions, he easily pulled himself up to sit beside her on the counter. "How long do you suppose we can get away with hiding in here, shirking our clean-up duties?"

She sighed. "You probably have longer than I do. I don't think my absence will go unnoticed much longer."

"Gee, thanks," he drawled. "Good to know that my presence is so unnoticeable."

She chuckled and bumped her shoulder into him teasingly. "You know that's not what I meant. You're very…"

Unfortunately, Bella chose that moment to turn toward him, and he was gazing down at her expectantly. His eyes sparkled with wry amusement, and the corner of his mouth was lifted in a smirk.

"...Noticeable," she managed to finish, dragging her eyes away from his mouth. "But as a hostess _and_ the caterer, I think it's particularly frowned upon for me to be hiding in the laundry room."

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure Alice has your staff wrapped around her pinky finger by now."

"I have no doubt," she laughed. "So, what you're saying is, I probably have a minute or two more before someone comes looking for me?"

"Maybe even up to five," he assured her.

"That's sounds good. I'm going to choose to believe that."

In the pause that followed, she didn't need to look at him to feel his eyes on her.

"You okay?" he asked finally.

"Yeah. I am." She didn't have much trouble with the conviction behind her answer, because she truly was. "I'm so happy for Rose and Emmett, and I can't wait to meet Baby Boy Cullen."

After another pause, Edward prodded her. "But?"

She shot him a sheepish look. "Am I that obvious?"

"Not to anyone else," he assured.

She sighed. "It's just that I didn't exactly fit in with the scene today, you know? Don't get me wrong, everyone has been so nice and it's been great to hang out with Rose and Emmett's friends. But seriously - do they not know any single people?"

He grimaced. "Yeah, it was a little couple-y today, wasn't it?"

"A _little_? You and I were the only ones who weren't holding hands or calling each other terms of endearment."

"Well here, we can fix that right now, angelcake." Edward grinned and reached across her body for her hand.

She giggled and wrinkled her nose in distaste at the name, but the laughter slowly died in her throat when he brought their entwined hands to rest on the top of his thigh. Over the years, she'd trained herself to be able to ignore the ever-present current between them, the one that made her skin flush and her body hum. She had gotten good at it; honed it like any other skill. But with the simple act of his warm hand wrapping around hers, she felt a crack form in the dam she'd carefully constructed.

She pulled her hand away and drew it back into her own lap, but it was too late. The crack had already formed, and everything that she'd meant to hold at bay was slowly flooding in. She felt her pulse beat faster, and became hyperaware of their thighs touching. Was it her imagination, or was she really feeling the heat of his body through their clothes?

Although she fought it, her eyes were drawn to him, caught in his magnetic field. She didn't want to see whether he was feeling this, too. If he wasn't, she might feel foolish for being so affected; if he was, that was a whole other type of problem. Her gaze trailed up his torso, lingering on the cords of his knit sweater, trying to delay the inevitable. She watched his Adam's apple bob before she encountered the tense set of his jaw, and then finally met his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat.

By all appearances, he wasn't breathing either. They were both frozen, with the air around them suddenly so thick that she wasn't sure she could move. She also wasn't sure whether she wanted to; wasn't sure whether she could trust herself to. His eyes were dark, and his expression pained. He wore a look of revelation and apprehension, along with other emotions she wouldn't allow herself to catalogue, as if naming them would give them more power.

Edward was the first one to be able to break the stillness. He closed his eyes and turned his head away, sucking in a deep breath. Bella scrambled off the counter and crossed the room to huddle next to the dryer. She crossed her arms, trapping her hands against her body.

"I'm sorry." His voice was barely above a whisper, and he kept his gaze on the floor in front of him. "I didn't mean…"

He didn't finish, and she wasn't sure she wanted him to. "I know."

As soon as Bella had fully caught her breath, she strode to the door and closed it softly behind her. She leaned momentarily against the door, but quickly stepped away. Though she knew he wouldn't emerge for another few minutes, she was still too close to think clearly. She crossed the hall to the guest bath and locked herself in. She turned on the tap and ran her hands under cold water before pressing them to her face to help cool her still-overheated skin.

She toweled off and took a long look at herself in the mirror, blinking at her reflection. Her eyes were a little too shiny, and her face was still red, but that was nothing new for her. She was annoyed with herself that she'd let him breach her defenses. She'd succeeded for years in closing herself off from the undeniable chemistry between them.

She'd been spending more time than usual with the entire Cullen clan over the past several months, and by default, had been seeing Edward more than she was used to. She'd been feeling lonely tonight. Surely that was all it was. Nothing more.

Resolving to put the Laundry Room Incident out of her mind, she pasted a smile on her face and stepped back out into the hall, prepared to finish breaking down the party and do everything in her power to avoid a certain green-eyed boy for the remainder of the evening.


	12. Don't Let Me Go - May 2007

**Full Circle**

 **Disclaimer:** All Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **Listen To:** _Never Say Never_ by The Fray

 **Chapter 12 - Don't Let Me Go**

Edward Cullen

May 19, 2007

"Edward Anthony Cullen."

He walked across the stage to accept his diploma, shaking hands with the Dean. At the announcement of "Emmett McCarty Cullen", his brother followed close behind, grinning and hamming it up for the crowd, waving and giving a mock bow to the audience before jogging to catch up with Edward and give him a high-five. Before Edward exited the stage, he searched the audience for his family and Bella, and shot them a grin.

When the ceremony was finished, they fought their way through the mass of people. Emmett grabbed Rosalie and dipped her in a dramatic movie-moment kiss, acting every bit the newlywed couple. They'd eloped on April 21 with family and close friends in attendance, and took a three-day weekend honeymoon to Vegas.

Edward's eyes met Bella's, but before he could make it to her, he was swept into hugs by Esme, Carlisle, and finally Alice. His family gave their congratulations, as did Jasper, Alice's boyfriend. He was a grad student at UW studying psychotherapy who'd met Alice at a coffee house, and they'd been inseparable ever since.

As soon as he was released, Bella ran over and grabbed his graduation gown in her fists, pulling him to her. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper fiercely in his ear. "I am so proud of you."

He pulled back to look at her beaming up at him. His chest tightened with so much emotion that he had to close his eyes at the onslaught, and he leaned down quickly to kiss her, letting his actions speak for him. She clung to him even after their mouths parted.

The Cullen clan walked back to their vehicles amid the masses of students and loved ones. Edward walked hand-in-hand with Bella and watched his parents, who were glowing with pride for both their sons. Esme leaned her head against Carlisle's shoulder in contentment.

Edward looked down at Bella and saw her watching them also, until she glanced back up at him and smiled. They were approaching his parents' car, and they paused to figure out the logistics of getting to the restaurant for their dinner reservation.

He spoke softly to Bella while Alice and Emmett bickered over directions. "Did you know that Esme moved to Boston to be with Carlisle while he was studying at Harvard?"

The smile fell from Bella's face as she looked up at him, and he could easily read the disappointment and resignation in her eyes. She pulled her hand away from his and went to support Alice in the argument to take frontage roads rather than the highway.

Edward sighed, immediately regretting that he'd brought it up on graduation day. It was such a touchy subject with them lately. He should've known better and just left it alone.

GoogleMaps ultimately settled the dispute, and the gang began to break out into their carpool groups. Edward was talking with Carlisle about the new tenants they'd found for the house in Seattle, and when he turned to find Bella to head to his car, she was nowhere to be seen. He said a hasty goodbye to his parents while they climbed into their car.

"See you at the restaurant!" his mother called.

He anxiously started out in the direction of where he'd parked the car earlier in the afternoon. The sun had set and the light was rapidly disappearing beyond the horizon, and he walked faster in an effort to catch up to Bella. When he spotted her up ahead walking down the side of the road, he broke into a light jog until he was beside her.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. "It's dark out, you shouldn't be walking out here by yourself."

"And just what _am_ I qualified to do by myself?" she huffed.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. He bit back a groan of frustration, and wished again he hadn't said anything about grad school or moving.

"Shit, look, I'm sorry." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to a stop beside him. "I'm sorry I said anything. Can we just drop it for tonight?"

She looked up at him, considering, her eyes still guarded.

"It's graduation day," he pleaded softly.

"You're right." She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. "Let's start over."

He closed his eyes in relief and hugged her tightly. Together they ignored the occasional headlights speeding past on the road beside them, and Edward focused on the steady feeling of Bella's breathing under his grip.

"Happy graduation," she whispered after several long moments. She kissed him briefly, and then pulled away but kept his hand as she continued walking. "Come on, I don't want to be late for pasta carbonara."

They were almost silent on the drive to the restaurant. He knew that was his fault. It had started at the beginning of April, when he'd settled on the decision to go to Johns Hopkins. When one of the top medical schools in the United States wants you, it's tough to say no. It was a difficult decision, but with Bella's encouragement as well as his family's, he decided it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Looking back on the night he'd sent in his acceptance, it was hard to see how he and Bella could have ended up so far from that initial excitement.

But the past couple of months had been steadily downhill from there, it seemed.

He had expected that she'd be ready to move to Maryland with him, and she'd expected that he'd be fine with her staying in Washington, at least until she graduated next year. They'd been arguing off and on ever since. He glanced across the car at Bella, who was staring out the passenger window into the night, where it had begun to rain.

He knew that it would be best for Bella to move with him. He didn't want to leave her here; he couldn't stand the thought of being without her. He'd applied at the University of Maryland for her, where they had great English and Literature departments, so she could finish up the last year of her undergrad degree in Baltimore.

He'd gotten the acceptance letter about a month ago, and they'd had their biggest fight yet on the night he showed it to her. She'd told him that he had no right, and called him selfish; he'd told her she was being obstinate. They didn't talk for three days after that, which was the longest they'd ever gone without speaking.

He was due to start school at the beginning of September, so they had until then to figure things out. They'd planned a two-week trip to Europe starting in two days, and he just hoped they could put aside their differences long enough to enjoy themselves. He still had faith that he'd be able to convince Bella to see his side of things, and that she'd move with him.

They smiled their way through dinner with everyone, losing themselves in good food and good company. He remembered a similar dinner three years ago, on the night after the first day of classes at UW. It had just been his siblings and Bella at that point.

Looking around the table now, he watched as Jasper regaled Carlisle with stories of his case studies, while Rosalie was chatting excitedly with Alice about the shopping in Vegas. Edward was glad both his siblings had found people who made them so happy. He recalled all their jokes throughout the years about him and Bella, remarking on how they acted like an 80-year-old married couple.

He glanced across the table at Bella, who saw him looking and raised her wine glass to him in a silent toast. He smiled and toasted back before draining his glass. If any of the rest of them could make it, then certainly he and Bella would. He had to believe that.

After a blur of appetizers, entrees, desserts, and four whole bottles of wine for the table, he found himself thanking Jasper as he dropped them off at Bella and Alice's house. From the passenger seat of Jasper's car, Alice called his name and tossed him Bella's house keys, which she'd forgotten. In his drunken state, he couldn't be expected to catch them. He held on to Bella's arm to steady her as she reached to pick them up off the ground. They stumbled their way to the front door while Jasper and Alice drove away, and Bella fumbled with getting the key in the lock and opening the door.

Edward made his way inside and groped the wall trying to find the light switch. His knees hit a table and a cascade of books fell to the floor. "Sorry," he muttered while Bella giggled. The books he'd knocked over were all of her research for their Europe trip, complete with hundreds of sticky notes marking important pages.

Bella was pulling on his hand and trying to drag him up the stairs to her bedroom, but he pulled back, causing her to stumble against his chest. He kissed her firmly and somewhat sloppily, but effectively turned her giggles into moans. He continued to kiss her, allowing himself ample time to appreciate her familiar embrace. Her arms went around his neck as she pulled him closer. He held her tight, never wanting to let go.

"Are you excited?" he asked.

"Mmmm," she mumbled an affirmative while molding herself even closer to his body and rocking her hips against his.

"Not for that," he chuckled. "For Europe."

"That too," she agreed, looking up at him with a radiant smile.

His chest tightened as sudden fear gripped him. It was a feeling he'd become increasingly familiar with over the past couple of months, though he thought he was doing okay at hiding it. Every time he thought about the possibility that she'd refuse to move with him, he was gripped with near panic. He couldn't stand the thought of being apart from her, of not seeing that smile every day.

Bella didn't notice his sudden mood shift, and was resuming her efforts to haul him upstairs. He followed compliantly, still wrapped up in his thoughts. They both stumbled along the way and made ample use of the stair rail, but eventually made it to their destination. He didn't want to take his hands off of her. In his drunken haze, he had the impression that as long as he was touching her, everything would be ok.

He responded eagerly as Bella kissed him passionately once more. His hand on her hip helped steady her when she would have lost her balance, and he used his other hand to pull her closer to him. She fumbled with his pants but managed to get them unzipped. Removing them was a task that required his full attention, and while he tripped out of his jeans, Bella scrambled to get her shirt off.

Once she'd effectively freed her arms from the offending garment, she collapsed onto the bed and he followed. Her eyes were closed almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

He pulled her flush against him and wrapped his arm around her securely. "I never want to let go."

He wasn't fully aware he'd said that aloud until she responded sleepily. "Then don't."

"You're making me," he mumbled, confused.

"No I'm not. You're doing that."

He blamed his blood-alcohol level for his inability to figure out what she meant. He said nothing. The tightness in his chest was still there, and he squeezed her tighter as he closed his eyes. He was drifting halfway between sleep and consciousness when Bella's voice dragged him back.

"Please don't leave me," she whispered softly.

"I have to."

"I know you have to leave, just please don't leave _me_."

"I love you. I'd never leave you like that."

He thought she'd fallen asleep until she whispered again, her voice barely audible in the thick darkness. "Do you promise?"

"I promise," he told her.


End file.
